God, kids can be so direct sometimes.
“It’s adult stuff.”
“That’s what Mom used to say, and it makes no sense. He hurt me too, and I could forgive him.”
I give her a small smile I hope isn’t patronizing. “You’re twelve, I’m thirty. We’ve experienced different things, and I?—”
“That’s what Allison said.”
My forehead wrinkles. “You talked to your therapist about it?”
“Yeah, we’re supposed to talk about what’s bothering us. And we all really miss Hayes.”
I suck in a breath. This is why people don’t introduce their significant others to their kids.
“She said that Aunt Lily and Uncle Lenny’s divorce had a profound effect on you. And until you work through your trauma, this might continue to happen.”
I frown. “What?”
She shrugs. “I’m just telling you what she said.”
“Is she suggesting I’m going to keep bringing men into this house, getting you guys attached, and then break up with them?”
She shrugs again, and my anger sparks. Who is Allison to judge me or my reasons?
“She said people with your kind of trauma turn their backs on the people and things that cause them pain reminiscent of their past, instead of turning toward the person to fix it. And that until you learn that, you’ll be alone.” She delivers her words so matter-of-factly that I stare at her.
“She seriously told you that?”
“She just didn’t want me to think it was my fault that Hayes isn’t around anymore.”
I nod a bunch of times and purse my lips, my chest burning. I’m trying to hold it together and not pick up my phone and call Therapist Allison and tell her she can shove her advice up her ass. “Did she say anything else?”
“No. But I came in here to ask you a question.”
Sure, shred me to pieces with your therapist’s psychoanalysis of me, and now you want something.
“What is it?”
“I… we… Lincoln and Monroe were wondering if… um… we could spend a day with Hayes? He hasn’t asked, but we were all talking, and we miss him.”
I suck back all the tears pricking my eyes. “I’ll talk to him and see if we can work something out.”
She stands from the bed and blows out a long breath. “Okay. That doesn’t upset you? Us wanting to see him?”
I will not put them in the same position I was in growing up. “No.” I smack on a big smile. “Not at all. It’s understandable.”
She smiles. “Great. Jeez, I was so nervous to ask.” She starts to walk out of the room but stops. “Leighton?”
I look up from my lap. “Yeah?”
“Maybe you can go see Allison, you know, so you can be happy again.”
Knife in the heart. Lodged and twisted.
She leaves as I sit on the bed, everything she said running through my mind.
Have I really been this stupid? To allow this man who willingly stepped into this chaos with me and wrapped his arms around all of us go? Just because I’m scared of being hurt again? Newsflash, idiot—you’re already hurting. More and more with each day that passes.
