“Let’s go through the house and see what needs to be noted.First up, you’re definitely going to need new carpet.”She alternates lifting her feet up and down to emphasise how much water has run through the floors of the entire house.
“Luckily, I was thinking of ripping up the carpet.”
“A positive.”She folds her arms across her chest, and I notice she is wearing long sleeves.In summer.I can see the material is light, but the air conditioner isn’t on in the house, and it’s been locked up with stagnant water through November.It’s muggy as fuck in here.Isn’t she hot?I’m warming up after that anxious dash to the back of the house, and I’m in shorts and a short-sleeved t-shirt.
“Are you not hot?”I blurt out.
“No,” she replies too quickly.Visibly stiffening.
“Okay.Let’s go check everything.”I leave it and motion for her to exit the room before me.
When I left on Friday night, I flicked off the main power switch to make sure nothing happened while the water was about, but as the water is still around, I don’t want to flick the power back on for the air con so she is comfortable.In case there is a short or the water managed to seep into where any electricity is.
“Let’s be quick because I am unfit, and that run took it out of me,” I lie.I run every few days and swim the days in between.While I am more on the solid torso, husky side, my fitness isn’t too bad for a 46-year-old.
We walk through the house, Rayna typing notes on her phone as I snap photos of damages.Items that were left on the floor that insurance will cover, and what I will need to replace or ask questions about.
We finish the water park tour at my bedroom, and I dump the duffle on the bed to add some fresh clothes for the weekend.
Rayna wanders around my room, studying the few items I have peppered throughout.Seeing her here, in my room, I’m overcome with emotions.Emotions I’d long since buried deep down.Talking to Mabel, Rayna’s new PR Director, this season, sharing my experience about holding back on a relationship purely because I was scared to lose the person I care for, in hopes that she shouldn’t miss her opportunity with my rider, Riley.They think they were so slick, and no one knew what was happening between them, but you can’t hide that love when it shines so brightly.
After rehashing my past regrets so recently, it brought everything blindingly to the foreground.I feel like I’m back to being an 18-year-old again.Bashful and longingly staring at Rayna from afar, yet so close.A barrier I always put between us.
It was obviously easier to put distance between my feelings when Wesley came into the picture, and when I allowed myself to see other women in a romantic scope.I definitely fell in love with Courtney, and I would never regret being with her, but we did not fight to keep our love going.The physical distance and being away from her for the motorcycle season was too much, and I don't deny it was hard on all of us.
But now?Could I reach over and touch her here and now in my room?Profess the persistent ache I have in my heart for her, whenever she is around.That felt like it was coming back stronger every time we have been hanging out over the last few years.Give in to actions I've only dreamt of.Whisking her away on a holiday to somewhere secluded and stunning, and not leave the room until we check out days later.
But I turn my back to her and continue to pack my bag with some clean items for the next few days.
“Should we hit the beach tomorrow morning?”I ask, lifting my boardshorts and waving them around.“No surfing.I won’t try to get my old sandy board into your car.”
“You’d definitely test the friendship if you scuffed up the back seat with your board.You can beach.I have to be at home for a call.”Her hands fold across her waist and wrap about her biceps, shrinking into herself.
“You know where I'll be heading if you change your mind or the call ends quicker than expected.”Placing the shorts on top and zipping up the duffle.
“That’s everything?”
“Yeah.I’ll come back next week and meet with the tradies for quotes, and a realistic timeline on what will happen and see what they say.”
“You’re not going to be able to come back here for a while.”
“You’re right.I should probably set up shop at a hotel.”
“No,” she rushed out.“Not what I was getting at.I meant do you have enough clothes to last you a while at mine?You're welcome as long as you need.”
“Oh.”To say I was on the verge of thrilled and delighted was an understatement.Yes, we have been slowly hanging out on track again With a few dinners, and office chats, but I’ve kept my walls up.Held distance between us.There have been moments I’ve almost slipped, but I think I've recovered well.Maintained distance for a few days after the gaff.
Can’t show her how I really feel.Keep acting like that dumb 18-year-old.I’ll need to keep myself in check.I won’t be able to put a few days’ distance between us if I slip and get too comfortable.
“That’s if you want to stay?”Rayna asks cautiously.“Don’t let me pressure you into staying against your will.Just thought it might be a fun change of pace.”She fiddles with her wedding ring.
“I just don’t want to…cramp your style.”
“Oh, please.I’ll be sitting at home on my own, counting down the days until everyone arrives for Christmas.You’re doing me a favour by keeping me company.”
“Well…I…” Pausing, I wonder how I could play this cool.
“You going to waste money at a hotel?This makes sense.”
