“Then let’s go and have dinner there.”
I exit the pool, and outstretch my hand to her to help her off the edge of the pool.Pulling her up with a little too much effort, she staggers forward and raises a hand up to brace herself against my chest as I drop mine down to my sides to avoid any skin contact with her.We find ourselves in the same position again.
Rayna stands in front of me by the pool.Water drips down the back of my neck.Running down my spine, keeping me present in the moment.Her hazel eyes drill into my own baby blues.
My palms are glued to the sides of my thighs.I ache to reach out to her.Brush the stray hair out of her face, behind her ear.Let my hand linger and smooth across her cheek.Cup her face and give into the feelings I have had for decades.Finally discover how soft her lips are, or relish how she tastes.It’s all I have been thinking about for the past few years.
She sways towards me slightly.Her eyes dart to my mouth, back to holding my gaze.In my peripheral I see her other hand start to rise towards me.I can’t let this happen.
Stepping backwards out of her reach.Her hand drops, and confusion floods her face.
“I…” Can’t think of anything to say except, “Sorry.”
And I turn on my heel and leave Rayna on the patio and scurry up to my room, like a gutless wonder.
13
Rayna
Whatjusthappened?!Didhe really just run away from me?I was thinking about leaning in to kiss him.I was going to do it.And he fled?
I internally rage.But instead of channelling my anger into rage cleaning or spiralling internally, my body has another idea.My feet take me into the house, up the stairs in Koby’s wake.The swelling in my leg, no longer as sore so I can take the stairs with no need to pause.My fist bangs on his door, body burning with anger in each tenth of a second he takes to open the door.Fists ball at my sides, fingernails digging deep into my palm.
Koby finally swings open the door, he’s still wet.His hair, not dried enough, and water still trickling down his body.His arms, thick and strong, settling on his hips as his chest rises and falls probably from running up the stairs, away from me.
“What the fuck was that?”I drill.
“What?”he replies, tilting down his head, breaking eye contact with me.
“You know what.”
“Rayna, I can’t…”
“Can’t what?”I press.His eyes dodging any possibility of looking at me.
“I can’t lose you again.”
I’m taken aback.“Again?”
“Yes,” he sighs, finally lifting his eyes to meet mine.“Don’t get me wrong.I’m so glad you and Wes got together and fell in love.But the moment you both met, I knew it was over for you and me.And I lost you.”
“But I was still around?We hung out all the time.”
“It wasn’t the same.The quick uni hookups I would stand by and watch were different.I knew you’d be back.But with Wes, it was different.You were gone, and…I lost my chance.”
“Chance?”
“To tell you how I really felt about you.”
“Really felt?”He’s driven me to an inarticulate mess.
“That I’ve always had feelings for you, but couldn’t tell you because I didn’t think you felt them too.I couldn’t risk not being around you if I told you how I felt about you.”
“But then you pulled away, anyway.”
“Yeah.I had to move on.”His eyes stare back down at our feet.
I move my hand under his chin and force his eyes to meet mine.“Have you really moved on?”
