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Rayna
Present Day - November – End of season break
Howthefuckdidmy life end up like this?I think as I watch my leftovers spin around the plate in the microwave.
The racing season has ended early.Cut short post-season testing because of the start to the tropical storm season in Queensland.More than happy to send the team home after another winning season.We can always catch up at the start of next season.
This means I’m back home in my Paddington terrace.Far away from the track but not away from my reality.Lonely.At least I have friends on track.Here, I need to wait until next month, the week before Christmas, for the first visitor to come through the house before I have company.
My brother is stuck in our Italian office, my sister-in-law is caught up in New Zealand with her kids, and my son, Louie, has pre-season testing with our Infraction32 rally team in South Australia.And here I am, wondering what Wesley and I would be doing if he didn’t pass away well over a decade ago.Holidaying together after a bumper season?Visiting friends in the Netherlands?Planning out the next season together?
But no, I’m here.On my own.Because some fucking asshole had to run a red light and take a husband away from his wife and pre-teen son over a decade ago.
I swear I’ve made peace with it.But sometimes life is unfair.I miss him, and what we’ve missed out on with him not being here.
The microwave dings, taking me out of my head.Reaching for a tea towel, I extract my meal and place it on the counter to cool.Retrieving a wineglass from the cabinet and the wine bottle from the fridge, I don’t bother sitting down at the kitchen island to eat.What’s the point?It’s just me.I finish off the meal standing over the sink.Blankly staring at nothing.Unenthused.
Placing the empty container in the dishwasher once I’ve eaten, my phone rings.My sister-in-law, Jillian, fills the screen when I pick up.
“Heya Jill.How are you going?”
“Heya Ray.Good!You?”She’s sitting in her bed, the lamp’s light gently touching her face.
Waving my glass in front of my face, I reply.“Just peachy.”
“Save some fun for me!”She jokes.
“Everything good with the kids?”
“Yeah.Marla’s finishing up her final exams, and Declan is on his way back from uni.Still on schedule to get to Sydney a few days before Christmas.”
“Sounds great.Will be great to have everyone home again.”I take a big gulp of wine.
“You okay?”
“Just thinking about Wes.”
She nods.“When is Louie due back home?”
“Around when you’re due.I told him to come when he wants.He might have plans.”
“I can try for earlier flights and push the kids to come home quicker.”
“No, don’t be silly.Marla will have end-of-year fun to have.”
“Well, we’re here if you want to come over before Louie arrives.We can hit the vineyards for some sis-in-law time.”
“Sounds good.I’ll let you know.”
We finish up talking about some spa treatments we want to get when she’s here and a promise to send me their flight details so I can go and collect them from the airport.
Sitting at the table on my back patio and pouring another large glass of wine, I scroll through my phone to make sure I have replied to all my text messages and returned any missed calls, the setting sun hitting my face.
My scrolling brings me to a message I have answered but a name that runs deep.I have no idea why we were so distant for so long, but over the last few years, Koby and I have been rebuilding our friendship.My finger hovers over his name, and in a split-second decision, I hit “Call”.
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