“I would go out swinging. I wouldn’t even ask questions.”
She groans. “How are you so perfect?”
“I’m not perfect, I’m-”
“Mack, you’ve always been perfect.”
My chest fills with a liquid warmth that spreads through me. “You’re perfect, too, Sofia.”
She tilts her head up. She’s not smiling, but, then again, neither am I. This moment is charged; it’s heavy. I can feel her and our future stretching out in front of us, so full of light and love.
She steps back, breaking it. “I need to go get Danger from Mum.”
“Okay, let’s go together.”
“Sure,” she says, but she can’t meet my eyes, and I wonder if she felt the same thing, and if she did, did she even want it?
Chapter 15
Sofia
Icreep out of my guest room and tiptoe past my old bedroom door, Danger wiggling in my arms. I don’t know what woke me up the way I did. But I knew without a doubt that the bubble would pop, that I would have to face all the things I’ve been running from, and I’m not ready for it. In the kitchen, I grab Danger’s bowl, lead, biscuits, treats, and his favourite toy. I snap on my treat pouch and check I’ve got enough bags before dumping a huge water bottle and some protein bars in a bag for me, then I pad as quickly as I can to the front of the house.
I back out of the door and pull it shut. I think I see someone on the landing, but I can’t be certain, and I’m not stopping to look.
Coward.
I don’t care.
I can’t do this today.
Without meaning to, I break into a run. All the ghosts of my past and future are on my heels, breathing down my neck, demanding that I be someone I’m not. The person I am now isn’t great. I’m nothing special, so why are they pretending that I am?
The dark is fading, and despite the storm yesterday, the sky is promising to be filled with the bluest of blues. There are only a few cirrus clouds floating on the faint golden glow of dawn. The town is starting to wake up; I can almost feel them stretching behind closed doors.
Getting to the beach gives me some small amount of breathing room. I set Danger down and let him do his business before I give him his breakfast. The rosy pinks and oranges of the morning and an almost mirror surface bring some semblance of calm back.
I see someone on the beach, and the fear comes back. I pick up our stuff and start walking, calling to Danger, who eagerly bounces around in front of me.
“I know this is not good. Running away. Not letting anyone know where I’m going. I mean, Mum is going to kill me.”
Danger barks.
“Yeah, but she loves you; me she tolerates,” I whine. “Stupid. I just need to…I don’t even know what’s wrong with me. But we’re going to a place. Our secret place.”
Danger races after a pack of seagulls that sit on the sand. They float into the air, balefully glaring at him from above.
I see one seagull sitting on the sand as we pass. It tracks us with a red and white eye. It’s kind of terrifying.
“Come on, Danger.”
When I look back, the gull is still watching us.
“Yep, apparently I’m having a meltdown of epic proportions. Another one. I am so proud.”
It takes forty minutes to get down to the rocks. The ocean laps at the shore, that familiar sound that I hear in my dreams, the smell of salt and the lighthouse…that looks like someone painted it? I thought it was abandoned?
The lighthouse is set on the cliffs, but I’m not going up there. I’m going around.
