Carver nodded. The information wasn’t penetrating his mind. It just sat on top of it, like the noodle letters in alphabet soup. Y O U H A V E A D I F F E R E N T D A D H E I S D E A D.
“Look, Mom forbid me from telling you any of this,” Chip said. “I’ve made my peace with how they’re gonna react, obviously, just ‘cause, like, you’re a mess right now, and I think this is something you needed to know. I’m — honestly, I am sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. I was being a pussy.” He blew out a breath. “But Mom didn’t want you to feel like you’re less a part of the family.”
“Is she fucking stupid?” Carver said, and Chip cracked up. “I’ve always felt like I’m less a part of the family.” He scrubbed at his face with his hands, rubbing his tired eyes. “As early as I can remember.”
“Well, now you know why.”
Carver started to laugh again. It was a tearful hyena laugh that hurt his lungs on the way out. “I guess I do! I guess I finally fucking know why.”
“Yeah,” Chip said. “Yeah. Can I say something about that, though?”
He sounded almost choked up, and Carver looked over at him. Chip cleared his throat and shook his head.
“Sorry,” he said. “Um… when I talked to them about this, I, uh…” His voice broke up again, and he blinked fast. “I… maybe I was just reacting badly to what I was hearing, but I kind of got this feeling that she was, uh, in love with that guy. And maybe had feelings about him that she —” A tear ran down Chip’s cheek, and he brushed it away with the force of an airstrike. “Jesus Christ. I’m not doing this right now. Uh, I think she might have had feelings for that guy that she’s never really had for Dad.” He said this in a rush, then gave a forceful, tense shrug. “So. Connie and I, you know we’re a lot like Dad, and it felt like, uh, just this big fuck you to the three of us. If that helps at all.”
Carver stared at him, feeling a depth of affection for his brother that he’d only felt a few times in his life. “I’m sorry,” he said.
Chip wheezed out a laugh. “Don’t besorry.”
“I’m just saying, I don’t want you to feel that way.”
“Well, I don’t want to either, man. Yeah. It is fucked up, it fucked me up for a while. I finally ended up talking to Maggie —”
“Maggieknows?”
“No, I just told her Mom had an affair and apparently I kind of watched it happen as a kid. She’d just threatened to leave meunless I got my shit together, and we were talking, and I tried to open up some.”
So that was why things between Chip and Maggie had changed.
“I still don’t get why Dad didn’t leave her. I haven’t been able to wrap my head around that,” Chip said. “I mean, I’m glad he didn’t, I guess.”
Carver nodded. “I know what you mean.”
“I haven’t been able to look at them the same way,” Chip admitted. “Connie hasn’t either. It’s just — yeah. But it feels good to talk to you about this. I didn’t think I had that weight on my chest.”
“Yeah,” Carver said. “I don’t even know what I feel.”
“I wouldn’t either.”
“I want to brush my teeth. And change. And these shingles are hurting my ass.”
“We should go in,” Chip said. He glanced down the street, then craned his neck. “Shit. You won’t believe this — they’re pulling up.”
Carver’s stomach sank. “Right now?”
“Right now, yeah.”
They watched as the Range Rover glided down the street, half-obscured by trees, and pulled into the circular driveway. Their parents stepped out of the car, looking like miniatures of themselves. Carver stared at them, unable to reconcile their presence with what he’d just heard, unable to conceive of what they’d done to him. After a moment they noticed their sons on the roof, waved and then pointed downward as if to say,get back in the house.
Chip patted Carver on the back again. Carver inhaled.
“I have to talk to them about this now,” he said.
“Yeah, understandable,” Chip said. “I think I’ll head out, go back to the wedding or something. I don’t feel like getting yelled at tonight.”
They climbed back through the window, into Chip’s dark and silent childhood bedroom. Bailey had been sleeping in here while Chip, Maggie and Aaron slept in the king bed in the guest room; Carver accidentally stepped on a piece of American Girl Doll furniture as he walked across the floor. The interior of the house now felt strange and dreamlike, as if it were a detailed recreation of itself. The familiar smells were too potent, like they were being piped in.
In the hallway, Chip whispered to him, “You change and freshen up and shit, and I’ll tell them I’m going back over, then I’ll head out, alright? Just give me like five minutes.”
