He sprinted down the slope of the driveway without remembering that the parking lot was rimmed with gravel, and paid for his hubris when he reached the lot and accidentally ran full speed right onto that gravel edge. The rocks rolled his feet right out from under him and took him down face first, onto his hands and knees, which skinned instantly.
Carver sat up, wincing, and checked his palms. They were bleeding, but not badly. It was hard to see in the thin yellow gleam of the street lamps, but it didn’t look like there were any rocks under his skin. One of the knees of his tux was ripped. He didn’t really care. He staggered to his feet, digging in his pocket for the keys.
This mishap had given his parents time to catch up to him. He could hear that they were much closer now. He limped around in high anxiety, hitting the panic button on his Maybach keyfob, trying to figure out where the fuck he’d parked. He couldhear the alarm going off but couldn’t see the vehicle itself in this sea of Escalades, Range Rovers and G-Wagons.
“Carver,” Nora yelled, sounding shrill and desperate in a way she never did.
Someone strong grabbed him from behind. For a second he thought it was his mother, who could pull terrifying strength out of herself when she needed to, but as Carver instinctively twisted to get out of the person’s grip, he realized it was his father.
“Hey,” his father said, twisting with him, clenching his fists in the fabric of his tux. “Hey, hey. Where are you going?”
“I’m going home.”
“No. You’re drunk and upset, you’re not going anywhere.”
This sent Carver spiralling into sheer animal terror. He tore himself away from his father so hard that his momentum sent him bouncing painfully off the hood of a Jeep Wrangler. Doug tried to help him up, but Carver slapped his hands away and scrambled to his feet again, then shimmied through the tight space between the Jeep and the SUV next to it. Here he had an advantage over his father: slenderness.
“Carver!” Nora said. “Stop it! My God, you’re acting like a child!”
Doug raced around the row of cars to meet him when he came out. Carver looked back the way he came and saw his mother blocking him off. His terror increased. Where the fuck was his car? He pressed the panic button again and heard the alarm go off again, closer now than it had been before. He was slightly less afraid of his father than of his mother, so he went in Doug’s direction, hoping he could just shake him off again.
When he slipped out between the two cars, Doug grabbed him by his upper arms.
“Listen,” he said, in an urgent undertone. “You cannot do this shit. I know marriage can be hard, okay? It can be unbelievablyhard. Women can be incredibly trying, I know, but it doesn’t mean you’re a homosexual.”
“Please,” Carver said, struggling. “Dad, just let me go.”
“I can’t let you go, you seem like a danger to yourself, and if you get in that car you’ll be a danger to others too. Do you want a felony DUI? Do you know what that does to a person’s life?”
In the background he could hear that Nora was on the phone again, but he couldn’t tell who she was talking to.
“I’m not a danger,” Carver said. Now his teeth were chattering from adrenaline. “I’m safe, I promise.”
“You are not a homosexual,” Doug said, squeezing his arms. “You’re not.”
Carver felt wet heat sweep down his cheeks. He was crying? “I am, though,” he wept.
“No. No. You’re married to a woman, son, you’re just confused and acting out. You’ve always been very confused, you’ve always felt this need to put your hand right on the hot stove.”
“I’ve been gay my whole life.”
“No, you haven’t. It’s very common for a person to have some homosexual experiences, but you’ve always liked girls. When you were little, when you played with girls, you chased them around.”
“That doesn’t mean anything.”
“Yes it does,” Doug said madly, his eyes shining. “It’s just your wife is a very strong personality who wants to call all the shots, and she’s driving you crazy. You’re a strong personality too, Carver, I wish you’d understand that. You can’t keep knuckling under for everyone.”
“I knuckle under for both ofyou! You taught me to do that!”
“We were trying to teach you about the world. I’m sorry if it — I’m sorry. I know we were tough on you sometimes.”
“You treated me like a fucking alien in your house!”
Doug looked wounded by this. He closed his eyes, continuing to restrain Carver as he struggled, and let out a sigh. “No,” he said. “No, no.”
“You did!” Carver screamed at him. “You knew I was gay and you hated it, you always have! So don’t fucking deny it now!”
“That’s not — no.”
