“I think he was, yeah.”
“That explains you. I mean, your parents are smart, don’t get me wrong, but I’ve always thought you outclassed them overall.”
“Thank you,” he said stiffly.
Lillian glanced at him. “Is the truth hard for you to deal with? Because given the history here, I’d expect you to be relieved.”
“In some ways I am,” he admitted. “It’s complicated.”
“Obviously,” she said. “Especially with your father being dead.”
She said this matter-of-factly, and Carver’s heart twisted. “That does complicate things,” he said.
“I wish I understood you better right now,” Lillian said. “I feel so behind.”
“I think you do understand, though, honey. At least the shit with me and Scott, you seemed to understand the situation pretty well last night.”
“But I really didn’t think you’d take it this far,” she said. “I mean, I suspected that was where it was going when you didn’t reach out last night. I thought you’d call me crying and apologizing. I thought maybe I should have gone after you when you bolted.”
“Why didn’t you?”
She shrugged. “I just didn’t feel like dealing with you. I never know what to do with you when you’re in one of your states.”
“Yeah. I get it. And hasn’t that gotten tiresome for you over the last eleven years?
“Of course it has —”
“Isn’t it a relief to imagine not having to deal with it anymore?”
“Yes, but I always thought you’d mellow out with age. You’re just very insecure sometimes, and I thought age and success would eventually fix it.”
“But maybe I need something you can’t give me.”
“Like what?” Lillian snorted. “Dick?”
“Yeah, for one,” he said, and she snorted again. “But, you know. There are other things.”
“Ugh,” she said, and petulantly kicked a piece of driftwood out of her path. “I thought the other things were for other people.”
“Maybe I am other people.”
“God, don’t say that. That’s so disappointing. This is all so disappointing.”
“I know.”
They were quiet again for a moment. They rounded a curve onto a new stretch of beach, where the sand was even more dark and wet and hard-packed, and littered with driftwood and shells near the water. Carver started keeping an eye on the ground in case he saw any cool shells he could bring back to Conway, who collected them.
“I don’t like to disappoint you,” he said. “I’m being honest when I say that.”
“I know,” Lillian said, in a surprisingly mournful tone. “That’s how I know all this is real.”
“I’m sorry I fucked our shot with Credit Suisse.”
“Yeah, I didn’t like that at all, but I think you ultimately made the right call, so I’m willing to let it slide.”
As an olive branch, he admitted, “I really have no idea what I want to do next, so I’m not ruling out staying with Blackbrick. But I might take a short leave of absence, like a month or something, so I can try to figure shit out. Would that be okay with you?”
“I can’t stop you.”
