“Yeah, but imaginetheydon’t like me.”
“Then they’re crazy too,” Scott said. Carver laughed. “I’m serious, the issue would not be with you.”
Carver shook his head, smiling, not looking at him. “You’re just saying that ‘cause you want to fuck me.”
Scott got a thrill in his gut and loins. “No, man, one’s got nothing to do with the other.” He took another moment to think. “How do you feel?”
“Right now, I don’t even know,” Carver said. “I don’t fucking know. It hasn’t totally sunk in yet. Like, it’s an explanation for a lot of things, but it’s not like it’s the one I wanted.”
“Yeah.”
Tears gathered in Carver’s eyes. He blinked them away fast, looking mortified. “I don’t know what I wanted, but it wasn’t this.”
“I get you,” said Scott, feeling a powerful surge of tenderness toward him that manifested as an ache in his chest and a stirring in his dick.
“It is vindicating, of course,” Carver said, then snorted again. “Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you, I guess.”
“What were your parents gonna do if you ever did 23andMe, or something?”
“No idea. They were always telling us not to, though, and giving us lawyer justifications, like, don’t give the cops access to your DNA. I almost feel bad for them, they’ve been looking over their shoulders my entire life.”
“Yeah,” said Scott, who couldn’t quite find it in himself to sympathize with Doug and Nora.
“Did you ever do 23andMe?” Carver said. “Find out if you’re actually a Cherokee princess?”
Scott laughed. “I’ve thought about it. I have this fantasy of finding some long-lost half-siblings somewhere. But I’ve always been too nervous about what else I might find out.”
“Yeah, now I see why people worry about that kind of thing.”
“This is going to sound stupid, but in a way I’m jealous of you.”
“In what way?” Carver said, his eyebrows leaping.
“Just that I’ve always kind of hoped Kansas might turn out not to be my dad.”
“Why, is he a worse guy than I thought?”
“No, he’s just a loser,” Scott said, and Carver laughed. “I guess I shouldn’t be too hard on him, considering I’m sleeping in a broken-down van tonight.”
“You did that to yourself, though.”
“But isn’t that loser shit? Having options and picking the shitty one?”
“Why didn’t you go sleep inside?”
“Honestly, I just prefer it this way. I like sleeping in here, or outside, or whatever.” Scott ran his hand through his hair, pushing it back from his face. “I feel that way about a lot of shit. The option I like is the one everyone thinks is too hard or too shitty. Go figure.”
“Josie thought you were out here to punish yourself,” Carver said.
“For what?”
Carver rolled his eyes a little, like Scott was being dense. “Our adultery.”
“Oh, shit. Yeah. No, not at all. I mean, I was worried about you, I didn’t want to get you in a fight with your parents, but when I stopped by and saw your mom I got the feeling the strife wasn’t just about me.”
“No, you were just her son’s adulterous gay lover cruising by at the worst possible moment.”
Scott started laughing. “I did wonder why she, like, threw my shit at me.”
