I can do this.
I take a deep breath, trying to steady my nerves. This is the right thing, I know it is. It’s time to move on, time to let them go. I can’t keep doing this to myself.
Ever since my phone call with Sebastian, I’ve been in a funk. Wanting more of what I can’t have. More of him.
More of their hands on me, all over me, inside me.
I shake the thoughts away and refocus, my eyes adjusting to the dark of the space we’re in, illuminated only by the brilliant white light emanating from the futuristic centerpiece dangling from the ceiling.
The new club Seamus brought us to is gorgeous—and shockingly massive, considering we’ve only seen the first floor. Everything is decorated in midnight black, the walls, the ceiling, even the floors. But there are unique textures everywhere to draw the eye, from the velvet curtains covering the walls to the polished granite countertops at the bar. The booth we’re seated at has a dark rosewood table, impossibly smooth under my fingers, the kind of rich, heavy piece that screamsmoney. Whoever designed this place must have spent a fortune decorating it.
We’re lucky Seamus’s buddy works the front door, because there’s no universe in which I’d be considered important enough to be let in otherwise. A place like this is on a completely different level than the clubs I usually frequent.
“You okay?” Jade asks, prompting me to tear my gaze from our surroundings and look over at her and her date. Jade met Sienna online last week, and she reminds me a little of a fairy come to life, with her porcelain skin and long flowing red hair. Her lips are painted cherry red to match.
“Fine,” I lie, forcing a smile.
A step is a step, and I’m managing. It’s only natural that I be out here exploring all my options. Maybe someone like Seamus would be good for me. He’s so…normal.And that’s what I need, someone normal.
“Can I get you something from the bar?” Seamus asks.
“Always working,” I joke, trying to sound playful. Flirtatious. It feels fake, though, and I quickly clear my throat to hide my discomfort. “Sure. Thanks. I’d love a gin martini and make it?—”
“As filthy as they come,” Seamus finishes for me. “Like I could forget. Anything for you two?”
“The same for us, thank you!” Jade waves him away. She waits until he’s out of earshot, watching him navigate his way through the crowd, before she turns to me with a frown. “Are you sure you’re okay? You look like you’re in a hostage situation right now. Not having a romantic night with a man that I assume is attractive if you like that kind of…male-presenting thing.”
“He is pretty hot,” Sienna agrees.
“I know, I’m sorry,” I say, twisting my hands together in my lap. “I’m kind of freaking out. I don’t think I remember how to date. What do I even say to him?”
Jade sighs. “Syd, you’ve been dating three different men for the last few weeks…”
“Three? Dang girl, get it!” Sienna giggles gleefully.
I shoot her an embarrassed smile. “I haven’t really beendatingthem. And with them, everything was just…easy. I never had to think about what I was supposed to talk about or do.” I glance around and catch sight of Seamus making his way back with our drinks in hand. “What do Ido?”
“Blink twice if you need me to pull the fire alarm,” Jade whispers.
I make panicked eyes at her as she laughs.
“Here you go.” Seamus slides our drinks over the table and slips into the booth next to me, casually draping his arm over the back of my seat. He takes a sip of his old fashioned, and I nervously choke back half my drink in one go.
“So, Seamus, I was wondering…” I hesitate, suddenly realizing that I don’t know how I’m about to end this sentence. “Um, do you…have any favorite colors?”
Jade chokes on her drink, and Sienna giggles again.
A smile dances over Seamus’s lips. “If I had to pick one, I guess I’d say green.”
“Sorry, I don’t know where that came from,” I mutter. My cheeks feel flushed, and I fidget with my drink, too embarrassed to look at him.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you nervous before. It’s cute.” He reaches out to take my hand, holding it still. “How about this? Why don’t we put these drinks down and head to the dance floor for a bit? Does that sound good?"
“Oh, sure. Um, did you guys want to come?” I shoot Jade a pleading look.
She ignores it. “Nah, we’re fine. We’ll hold down the fort over here,” Jade—myformerbest friend—says. She raises her glass at me, grinning. “You two have fun!”
Okay. We’re going to dance. I can do this, I like dancing. No problem.
