Whatever. I’m already running late since I couldn’t find a single clean pair of underwear this morning after my very hurried shower. I make a mental note to catch up on my clearly overdue laundry as I carry the armful of mold and dead flowers downstairs with me, tossing them in the alley dumpster on my way to the bus. It’s not like I was going to keep them, anyway. Turns out lilies are toxic to cats, and there’s no way in hell I’m letting them anywhere near my precious baby chaos demon.
I barely make it to my bus in time, but I fear the damage is already done. I’m officially running late, and I know Jade will never let me hear the end of it.
Our attempt at pottery may have been a disaster, but these little weekly outings with her have become an anchor for me. In all the chaos of my life, they’re giving me something to look forward to, something that's mine.
This week, we opted to take a class at a brand-new cooking school that just opened across town, and I dramatically underestimated how long it would take to get there. The last thing I want to do is piss off Jade when we’re going to be standing over open flames.
Leaning back in my seat, I stare out the bus window, watching my neighborhood blur past. We ease to a stop at a red light, and that’s when I see him.
Ash.
He’s right there across the street, standing on the sidewalk like fate has dropped him off just for me, and the effect of seeing him is instant and overwhelming. Something lights up inside of me, warming me. I almost tell the driver to stop, to let me out early, the need to see him so strong it’s overpowering.
Maybe this is a sign. Last night, I let Sebastian in, just a little. Maybe it’s time to do the same with Ashton, maybe seeing him here is the universe’s way of letting me know I’m ready.
I stand up and reach for the pull cord to stop the bus before I realize he’s not alone.
My heart stutters and then stops.
He’s with a woman. A woman I recognize instantly.
Annika, Alec’swife, approaches him, her white-blonde hair fluttering prettily in the breeze. I blink, and suddenly they’re hugging, Ashton wrapping his arms around her lower back, pulling her close to him, burying his face in her neck. It’s intimate. Too familiar.
My whole body goes cold as I stand there, watching them. He’s right there, just a pane of glass and a few feet separating us, but I’ve never felt further away from him.
I never pull the cord. The bus jolts forward, and we’re moving with the rest of the traffic, that split second of seeing him now gone, the two of them fading into the distance behind me. After a while, I force myself to sit back down in my seat, my hands shaking.
I was right. This was a sign, after all. A sign to stop waiting, to stop hoping this was all a misunderstanding that we could eventually solve and get past. There’s no getting past something like this. No future with them, when I’m the other woman.
I drag my hand over my cheek, wiping away the tears there, and force myself to stare straight ahead for the rest of the ride.
“Is therea reason why we keep picking activities that you excel at but embarrass me to my core?” I ask Jade. Sure enough, I am late, and by the time we walk into the new cooking school together, most of the students have already picked their stations and gotten started.
“What makes you think I’ll be any good at this?” she asks without a hint of irony.
“Jade, my love, my everything, you’re literally abaker,” I remind her.
“I get how you could come to that conclusion, but have you ever actually seen me cook?” Jade smirks. “Baking and cooking are completely different sciences! There arerulesto baking. Precision, measurement, finesse. Cooking is like the wild west, and it stresses me out.”
“Great, so we picked something we’ll both fail miserably at, then?” Today is just getting worse and worse.
“We picked this so that maybe we can actually attempt to cook for ourselves once in a while instead of gorging on takeout every day.” Jade sits down at one of the open tables and pulls me down to sit next to her. “What is with you today, anyway? You’re extra grumpy. Which is funny, sinceI’mthe one that had to wait outside in the cold foryouto show up.”
“Sorry. I’m just having a bad day.” The table in front of us is piled high with everything we’ll need for class. I pull on my apron and assemble the ingredients in front of us just as the instructor makes his introductions. I try to listen, to pay attention to everything he says, but I can’t focus.And I have no idea what a “roux” is, but apparently that’s what we’re starting with, so I guess I’ll have to figure it out.
“Anything you want to talk about?” Jade whispers the question, but it’s still loud enough to earn us an annoyed look from Chef Ramirez, the instructor.
“Later…” I say quietly, trying to avoid an embarrassing reprimand in front of the whole class.
We start by chopping onions, carrots, and celery into, what theoretically should be, equally sized pieces. Today’s lesson is comfort foods, so we’re making a traditional chicken pot pie. I focus on putting together the filling, while Jade works on the pie crust.
“Okay, so, I guess there’s some baking in cooking,” Jade says smugly as she puts the finishing touches on what looks like a perfect crust.
“I could kill you, you know. And I know exactly where I would hide the body,” I threaten. An acrid smell fills the air around our station as the filling I’m working on starts to burn in the pot, and I frantically adjust the burners to turn the temperature down. “Do not test me.”
Jade leans over and scoops a spoonful of my mess out of the pot, chewing it slowly. “Why is your chicken so rubbery?” she asks.
I point my spatula threateningly at her. “One more word and it’s over, Jade. I swear.”
