I can’t talk. My lips have frozen into a tight line to stop any tears spilling out of my eyes. In lieu of talking, I shake my head to indicate that I’m not in the slightest bit upset.
‘I wouldn’t blame you if you were. This whole scenario, this whole week has been…’ He blows out his cheeks. ‘Totally insane.’
It’s not the Garry thing I’m upset about you… you Australian wanker!I scream in my head.It’s you! I wantyouto wantmelike… I want you.But of course, I’m too British to admit to anything so raw and emotional and so grotesquely honest, so I’ll summon up all of my inner Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner inThe Bodyguardand pretend not to be bothered. I will smile through the tears. Silently cry through the pain. I have nothing… nothing…nothingif I don’t have… (I’m so pathetic, my brain has already conjured up a heartbreak playlist – Sinéad O’Connor, obviously, Bryan Adams, Bonnie Tyler and that band that sang ‘If You Leave Me Now’, in case you’re wondering).
‘Are you okay?’ he says after a pause.
‘I’m fine,’ I say, as my raspy voice cracks. ‘So, fine. Very fine. The finest. In fact, I have to get back to Emir. I have this whole birthday thing to organise. Obviously, I need to move my things back into the Hello Tropicana Banana Sunshine Aparthotel. Speak to the captain about the food. Send my parents a postcard. Ask Erika about help staffing the party,’ I say, rattling out a random to-do list as I hurriedly stand up, desperate to be out of his company. He clearly doesn’t care about me in that way at all. I’m gutted. ‘And I need to replace some of my toiletries. I need to confirm the compensation with the Hello Chicken family and… I’d like to speak to the police myself and make sure they clear my name good and proper once Garry is found.’ I take a deep calming breath in. ‘Well, thank you for all your help. I guess this is goodbye.’
Might as well rip the Band-Aid off. I thrust out my hand, ready to part ways on a formal handshake.
Jackson stares at my outstretched hand as he stands up. ‘Do you have to doallof that right this minute? Can I at least talk to you? See you before I go?’
‘I don’t think that would be a good idea, do you?’
He tilts his head. ‘Yes. I do think it’s a good idea.’
‘You do?’ I retract my hand, wringing them together. I’m not altogether pleased with the pleading tone in my voice (it has gone rogue).
‘We’ve become friends at least, haven’t we?’
‘I suppose so,’ I mumble like a sulky teen. I look up at him through my damp lashes. My brain is screaming at me to at least show a modicum of self-respect. Jackson is leaving. All he is offering are scraps.
‘Maddie.’ His voice is gentle and tender. ‘How would a relationship between us work? You’re based here. I’m based in Australia. They send me out to literally anywhere in the world at a moment’s notice.’
‘Okay. I get it. It’s fine.’
It. Is. NOT. Fine. I WANKED HIM OFF IN THE GODDAMN SEA FOR CHRIST’S SAKE. Doesn’t that mean anything?
30
After an awkward goodbye, Jackson heads off with Erika to head office after the police readily agree to search for Garry on the island, and I travel in the limo with Emir, his dad, his brother, his new baby niece (looking tiny on Mehmet’s knee) and Shazza, back to the gulet. We stop off en route to collect the birthday boxes that are so numerous they have to follow behind us in another limo.
‘So, how’s the holiday so far?’ Shazza asks me, her face glowing with delight. ‘Isn’t this place amazing? Did you drink too much? Make any poor decisions?’ Her horsey laugh has Mehmet besotted.
‘Something like that,’ I say, inwardly lamenting.
Once we reach the gulet, Emir’s mother, Cassandra, is delighted when I confirm the Mediterranean cruise compensation package, and I get to work setting up decorations and blowing up balloons for Emir’s party.
The captain approaches me as I’m stringing bunting along the railings. ‘Good news. The police, they pick up Garribald. They say he was stranded on the island waiting for his cousin, just as you suspected. He confessed to everything. They have a case full of stolen jewellery and money.’ He surveys the party balloons and the dining room all set for a mega celebration. ‘This will be the last night. The guests are leaving in the morning.’ He holds out his hand for me to shake. ‘But I want to thank you for your service on board.’
* * *
Before long, Emir’s birthday party is in full swing, and he is very much the centre of attention. His father has barely put him down. From the snippets I can gather, Emir is being hailed as the genius crime-solver and gifted young entrepreneur that he is. I notice a solid gold Rolex dangling from his skinny wrist. Mehmet appears to be instantly loved up with his brand-new surprise family. He and Shazza are knocking back shots while Emir’s mother and grandmother stare, unblinking at their massive new granddaughter propped up on the banquette opposite them, looking as though she should have a margarita in front of her and a ciggie hanging from her lips. To be fair, if I’d given birth to a full-size toddler I’d need a drink too, so I’m not judging Shazza at all as she flings her arms around a smitten Mehmet. Best of all, we have decided on a free bar and ahelp yourselfbuffet so that all the staff and crew can relax and join in the fun.
I’ve made a special effort to look nice. Not for Jackson but for me. Astrid even offered to style my hair into loose beachy waves, and Tiffany helped with my make-up. She has transformed my gloomy, dull complexion into a bright, sophisticated, flicky-eyed supermodel. My silky slip dress makes my stomach look flat and my legs longer and the choker is giving off serious Winona Ryder vibes. I thank the girls for their efforts. Ever since they have stopped competitively shagging Shaun, they are softer versions of themselves. All is now harmonious and tranquil.
A shot glass clacks down on the bar next to me. It’s Shazza. ‘This is for you. A toast for helping me and Kylie-Jay find Mehmet.’ She peers at me with eyes full of emotion. ‘You’ve changed our destiny. Thanks to your quick-thinking and kind heart, our lives are going to be so different now. So much better. And it’s all thanks to you. You’re an amazing woman. We’ll never forget you.’
Oh, my gosh.
I feel a swell of pride as I thank her and pick up the shot glass. Not only am I amazing, but I have changed three people’s lives. I am an instrument of pure positivity and light. I don’t need a man or love to make me feel worthy. I’m enough just as I am.
She leans in to hug me. ‘Here’s to wild nights, randy men and making poor decisions!’ she yells, making sure Mehmet hears her over the music. She’s competing with Duran Duran and a girl named Rio. ‘Because you never know where it will lead!’
Before I know what’s happening, we’re downing the shots and the whole Hello Chicken family are coming to join us at the bar. Suddenly, they are singing my praises and toasting me for being their favourite holiday rep of all time.
‘Tell that to head office!’ I say loudly, still feeling upset over Jackson’s hasty departure.
