Why didn’t she help me every time I begged? Every time that she made me touch her. The acrid smell that came from between her legs still makes me sick. The way she would hold me down and force herself upon me.
I begged for help. I cried and cried, and yet she continued.
Anger floods my system and I fall to my knees at the side of her.
“Oh.. thank–”
I grab the handle of the knife. “Fuck.. you.” I say through gritted teeth as tears stream down my face. My fingers tighten around the handle and I use all the strength that I have to pull the knife out, then I slam it back down into her chest. Blood sprays across my face as I continue to stab my mother.
Over and over again the blade sinks into her chest.
“I,” I stab again, “hate,” and again, “you!”
Blood coats her yellow-stained nightie and with the final stab, I grow tired. My arms are weak and sore, so I let go of the knife and lay down on the floor in my mum's blood, her body slowly dying beside me.
Where the fuck am I? Why’s it so dark?
Confusion fills my system as I drag my hand across whatever I’m lying down on. It’s soft and squishy, and across the room I can see the time on the microwave in the kitchen, glowing red.
I must have fallen asleep on the couch. I don’t know how long for, but it’s pretty dark outside now. Sweat clings to my skinand I swear my mind is still reeling from that vicious nightmare. It’s been a while since I’ve dreamt about my mother’s death but recently those horrific memories have been creeping up on me.
Maybe I’m just feeling stressed.
I run my hand through my hair, feeling more exhausted than ever. My eyelids begin to grow heavy and just as I’m about to fall asleep again, the tracking app on my phone begins to beep.
Sitting up I grab my phone from the coffee table to check the notification. The bright screen causes me to squint my eyes at the intrusion of light. “Where are you off to, love?” I mutter to myself and watch as the tracker I placed underneath her SUV blinks across the screen.
After I left Brynne in bed, I remembered the note she left on the table. I knew that if I asked her what it was, she probably wouldn’t have told me so I had to take matters into my own hands, henceforth, sticking a tracker to her car. This way I can find out exactly where she’s going because I refuse to let her go through with this alone.
She’ll probably rip me a new asshole if she finds out about my little plan but that’s fine, I can take her on. The little red dot speeds down the road and if I’m to make it in time to catch her there, I need to leave now. So, I stand from the couch and make quick work of grabbing a set of keys from the hook near the door, then I take my helmet and head outside.
The air is bitter. I can feel it biting through my t-shirt but I don’t have the time to wrap up, I just need to get to Brynne. Before I put on my helmet, I mount my phone onto the tank of my bike and start the engine, allowing it to warm for just a moment, then I slip on the helmet. Through the blacked-out visor, the front of my house looks misty, like it’s smothered in black smoke.
Once I’ve secured the clip underneath my chin, I swing my leg over the bike and kick up the stand, then give the engine acouple of revs. TheFirebladepurrs like a cat with every turn of the throttle.
I could have taken the Mustang but I know this will get me there quicker.
Energy reverberates through my system. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins like a drug. My body is itching to be near Brynne, it’s desperate to feel her again so I give it exactly what it wants and fire the bike down the road. The biting wind whips against my bare arms as I weave in and out of traffic, manoeuvring the bike with expert precision. I white-knuckle the handlebars, carefully flicking my eyes between the moving tracker and the stretch of road in front of me.
The little red dot begins to slow and just ahead, I clock Brynne’s SUV. She slips between the traffic and that’s when I decide to stay at least a car behind. The last thing I want to do is scare her off, but I also need to keep her in my sight too. After a few moments, Brynne flicks on her indicator and signals to the right, then begins to pull off the busy road onto a quieter street.
Keeping my distance, I allow her to slow the SUV and watch from afar as she makes a few more turns, then she pulls up outside of a random house. Amber street lights illuminate the run down cul-de-sac, revealing overflowing bins and broken children’s toys in the front gardens.
The sight alone has all the moisture in my mouth evaporating. I can feel my throat closing up as I scour the mess, the vivid images of my childhood flood back to me like a tidal wave. Our bins were constantly overflowing with rotten food and rubbish that my mum just never threw out, she would leave it for weeks until we had an infestation of rats.
I remember how they would scurry across the kitchen floor in the dark, their beady eyes searching for any scraps of food that they could scramble up. Their silk-like whiskers sensing their surroundings. It’s enough to send a shudder racing through mybody. It’s been so long since I visited a place that reminds me of such a horrible time in my life, and now I fear that it’s all I’m able to see.
I can’t fall apart now. Brynne is going to be going into Leroy’s housealone.She needs me and that’s enough for me to yank my anxiety ridden body out of limbo and back into the present.
As I park my bike a little bit further down the road, I watch as Brynne turns off the engine of her truck. She doesn’t get out right away, instead she sits there.
What’s going through her mind?
Will she go through with it or rethink her decision? Or will she call me for help?
I’d like to think in a situation like this that she would, but that isn’t Brynne. That isn’t the woman I’ve come to know and..love?
Do I love her? If the aching in my chest and the way my heart threatens to ram through my ribcage like a freight train anytime that I’m around her is enough to go by, or the way my stomach sours at the thought of her not being in my life makes me want to fucking die, then I think I can confirm that what I feel for Byrnne is love, maybe something even more powerful and deadlier than that.
