To him, they were a warning. Proof of what could happenif he ever slipped. A glimpse of his own future if he failed to keep a tight grip on the reins.
“This isn’t just about finding the breach,” Cade said. “Command wants to know why creatures are suddenly pushing toward New Arca. They usually avoid the wall because it’s fortified, so something’s changed. I wouldn’t be surprised if we’re deployed north soon, and if that happens, Rowan comes with us. We can’t leave her alone like this. She needs to be ready. Talon, Ryker, you’re in charge of training her. She has to control her shift and learn how to defend herself.”
Until then, Rowan was a huge fucking liability. She was unpredictable and needed constant protection, not just from outside threats, but from herself. Keeping her safe meant controlling her every move, managing her emotions, and stopping any chance of a shift at the wrong time and place.
When we got to base, there wouldn’t be any more hand-holding or gentle warnings.
Kitten was about to experience the full extent of our tight control.
Chapter 4: Rowan
"Wake up, Rowan," Cade said, gently jostling my shoulder.
I blinked groggily, wrapping my arms tightly around myself as bitter cold air rushed in through the convoy door. Cade was holding it open, waiting for me to move.
The sky was black, scattered with small, glittery stars. We must’ve been driving for the better part of a day if night had already fallen. I couldn’t believe I’d slept through most of it until I remembered swallowing my mood control pill right before we hit the road. Those pills kept me level, foggy, and numb. I hated them because they turned me into a shell of myself.
But I didn’t protest taking them for two reasons.
The first was guilt. Crushing, suffocating guilt over what I’d done.
Looking back, my escape attempt seemed juvenile. Even if I had made it out, Arca would never have let me go. Now that they knew I existed, they’d hunt me to the ends of the Earth. Omegas were too valuable to let slip away.
Eventually, they would have found me and dragged meback. When they did, who knows where they would have stationed me. Jayden and Finn made it clear there were packs far crueler than the one Command had assigned me to.
Luckily, Cade lied to his father about my escape attempt, worried the truth would buy me a one-way ticket to a breeding facility. That was Command’s solution for omegas who wouldn’t submit. Feral or not, Arca still considered their wombs usable.
I shuddered at the thought.
All I really managed to do was put myself in danger and shatter whatever trust I’d built with my unit. My guilt multiplied tenfold because of Killian. He wouldn’t even look at me now, avoiding me like the plague and barely tolerating being in the same room as me.
Something told me that aside from Cade, Killian had never truly let anyone in, especially not a woman. My betrayal cut him deeply, and I wasn’t sure he’d ever forgive me.
The second reason I didn’t protest the sedatives was fear.
I was terrified of the creature clawing just beneath my skin, threatening to tear its way out. The wolf was feral, unrestrained, and hungry. A version of myself that didn’t feel like me at all, but was still undeniablymine. I couldn’t control it or predict when it would rise and take over.
And the scariest thing? A small, dark part of melikedit.
I relished the power my wolf gave me. It felt damn good to tear apart the ones who had tried to touch me without permission, to take back the power those alphas thought they could steal from me. The assault should have traumatized me, but watching my revenge splattered across the floor was… surprisingly therapeutic. Their painful deaths, and the knowledge that I had killed them, quieted something that was hurting deep inside of me.
When I transformed, the world sharpened around me. Every smell was more pungent, every sound clearer, every sight vibrant and bold. My senses didn’t just come alive; they ruled me in an intoxicating and addictive way.
Whatever had been dormant inside me was waking up now. And it wasn’t soft or submissive.
It was rage.
Instinct.
Blood, teeth, and raw power
My basest self was unleashed, and she scared the hell out of me.
So I swallowed the pills without complaint every damn time. The fog would roll in, and the numbness would drown the wolf out. Sedation was safer than letting free whatever the hell I was becoming. Safer for everyone, myself included.
"Rowan, hurry up. It's cold, and you don't have a coat on," Cade said impatiently, drawing me from my thoughts.
I stepped out, and he shut the door behind me, his hand settling at the base of my neck as he guided me toward a nearby building. That was how we moved now, always. Cade’s grip on my neck, steady and possessive, as if he thought I might bolt if he let go for even a second.
