But now I wasn’t certain. He was keeping secrets from me, and I felt too wounded to dismiss Maggie’s words the way I wanted to. She had sowed the seeds of doubt, and I felt miserable. To confront him now would only turn a bad situation worse, and I didn’t want to humiliate myself any further.
“I just want to go back to my room,” I said solemnly.
We left the church to the guttural, agonised moans of pain echoing out from the front row. Eugenie and I shared a pregnant silence on the bus journey home. I assured her I could make my own way back from the bus stop, leaving her to continue along the route.
When I returned to Crowthorne House, a familiar figure was standing in the gravel courtyard, looking up at the balcony to my room.
“Fancy seeing you here,” I said, forcing myself to adopt a brighter disposition. Apparently Nick wasn’t the only one who could put on a front.
Dorian turned and smiled, his sunny face lifting me out of my gloom momentarily.
“I hope you don’t think I’m a bit weird, hanging around outside like this, only nobody answered the door,” he said, chuckling in his good-natured way. His navy shirt was dry and clean, looking like he’d managed to avoid the rain. “I was going to give you a call, but uh, Eugenie mentioned she was coming to see you. I thought I could drop by and surprise you both.”
“I left her on the bus home. Oh god, she didn’t tell you, did she?”
Dorian produced a small black box of chocolates in a fuchsia ribbon and handed them to me with a bashful grin.
“I’m afraid she did. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been in the wars.”
I took the chocolate box and pocketed it in my raincoat pocket, but not before stroking its expensive-looking pink ribbon. It was made from a suede-like material and hadn’t been hastily purchased from a convenience store.
It told me that Dorian was earnest and sweet; the sort of man I was supposed to be attracted to. He was handsome, too, and young, and he clearly liked me. It was also obvious that Eugenie had not yet told him that I was involved with Nick.
Though I now questioned, with a pain in my chest, what that involvement even meant to him.
“You’re far too kind, Dorian,” I said. I was tempted to reveal it to him now, that my heart belonged to someone already – to the very someone who had introduced us in the first place – but I paused. Maggie was right. I was just the woman Nick was sleeping with. What did it matter that I was his apprentice?
Nick could throw me out on a whim at any point, and I’d have nothing to my name; not even a qualification. My new life and ambition could be over before it had started, and all because I’d fallen in love.
“Maybe we should go inside, unless you feel up to a nice walk?” he asked. “It’s supposed to be dark and drizzly all afternoon.”
I smiled, finding it quite sweet that he was thinking about the weather and my comfort. If only that were enough for me, I could easily fall in love with Dorian.
“Let’s go and say hello to the horses,” I said, gesturing towards the stables. “I’ve been promised an afternoon ofhorse riding at some point, but it hasn’t happened yet.”
“Did you take care of horses back in the Dales?” he asked, walking alongside me.
“No,” I said wistfully. “We had a donkey once, but not a horse. Although – ” I almost mentioned Tom, and then decided against it. He’d had several horses and had broken them himself. “ – although I would have loved one. They’re such gentle creatures.”
There were four horses in total, all in their stables with fresh hay. They were black and gleaming with their tails braided and coats brushed. They looked beautiful at the head of the black funereal coach, which was kept under cover in one of the outhouses, like something out of a fairytale.
I introduced Dorian to Opal, showing him how to stroke her muzzle, while we talked. It was easy to chat to Dorian. Simple. When the wind picked up a little and it began to rain, Opal ducked back inside her stable for a rest. Dorian moved in closer to shield me from the spittle.
“I’ve never met anyone like you before, Grace,” he said, his tone changing to a softer one, moving away from idle chit-chat. My heart pounded.
“Perhaps that’s a good thing,” I said, chuckling awkwardly. “Just look at what a bit of sunlight does to me.”
“You seem a little down. What is it? Missing home?” he asked with such earnest concern that tears prickled my eyes.
“Certainly not,” I said. “I love it here. But I don’t know...some forces at work seem hell-bent on putting me off, and sending me back to the Dales.”
The forces at work, of course, being Maggie and Tom. Idecided to keep those details to myself.
“Then you should be all the more resolute in staying. Fight for the things you want,” he said, “And don’t let them go.”
“Sometimes I’m so tired of fighting,” I said wearily. “Does life ever feel like one long, endless battle for you, like it does for me?”
Dorian nodded softly, as if he understood completely.
