She paused and looked about the space, taking it all in.
“Do you feel a little safer now?” I asked.
She smiled weakly and nodded that she did.
She climbed the bed immediately and settled beneath the covers, laying her head on my pillow. I took off my shirt quietly and laid it over my chair, before taking off my shoes and belt. I left my trousers on. I turned out the light. Only the glow of the moon outside filtered in through a small gap in the curtains. As I approached the bed, I prayed she was already asleep.
When my body sank beside hers, she murmured, shimmying closer to me.
“Please, hold me,” she whispered.
“Grace, it’s not that I don’t want to. Quite the opposite.”
“I’m sorry.” She sobbed.
I could sense her still shivering. Whatever she saw, it was clearly very real to her.
It was all too easy, then, to wind my arm around her waist and pull her close to me; close enough to bury my nose in her hair. She felt so good in my arms. So right. She relaxed a little. We shared a long silence, and very gradually I felt her body loosen up, the tension leaving her muscles. When she spoke, there was no longer a quiver to her voice.
“Nick,” she said into the darkness. “Have you...in this bed, has there ever been...anyone else?”
“No,” I said. “This is my bed. Nobody else has been in it.”
“I mean with you, you know, like that.”
I did know. Again, I confirmed I’d never shared this bed with anyone else.
“In twenty years, you’ve never..?”
I tensed up, feeling ashamed, knowing my answer. I had been with women, of course I had. I had needs just as any man did. They weren’t the kind of women I would marry. They weren’t the kind of womenlookingfor marriage. Beyond the contents of my wallet, they were interested in little else but the exchange.
“I have,” I said uneasily. “But not here.”
“Who?”
“Grace, go to sleep.”
She nuzzled in closer to me, holding her hand over mine, lacing our fingers. I was glad there was a bedspread and coverlet between us, or else she’d feel something I didn’t want her to feel. She did turn, though, and her hands found my face before I could move away, feeling my features in the darkness. She stroked along my jaw, felt my lips, and felt the shape of my nose. One hand smoothed the hair away from my forehead, while the other held my chin.
I knew in my heart that I ought to pull away, for her sake, as well as my own. But I couldn’t.
Her soft, warm lips covered mine, and before I knew it, I was embracing her, pressing her face and lips hard against mine. Her curious tongue opened my mouth and met mine, gliding over it, as if tasting a rare fruit for the first time. The naivety in her softness, the curiosity in her wanting lips, was too much for me to resist. Her need to seek comfort fed my need to protect her, and I was flooded with a curious euphoria with every press of her lips.
Her hands roamed, and I grabbed them, forcing them back up to my neck. Grace moaned softly in my arms as we kissed, and I found my hands stroking her back, caressingher, my lips sinking into hers with equal need.
When I awoke in the morning, Grace was gone already. I almost thought I’d dreamt it, but there I was above the bedclothes, dressed in my trousers and vest, and Grace’s side of the bed was rumpled.
Grace’s side of the bed.
I felt ashamed to let my heart tie itself in knots at the notion of Grace’s side of the bed.
A knock came, then, at the door. I couldn’t believe it was time for breakfast already; that Maggie was here with the tray. Had I really slept all night with Grace in my arms? Soundly, with no sudden waking, my heart tearing in my chest from another nightmare.
I opened the door and let Maggie in, wiping a hand over my tired face. I was exhausted, for once, from too much sleep. I hadn’t slept so well in twenty years.
Maggie’s face was dark, stern. She knew something was different. She set about pouring the tea and presenting me with my usual breakfast – poached eggs and a little smoked salmon on a seeded bagel. She clattered about with the cutlery, dropping the tea-spoon and over-pouring the tea.
“What’s wrong, Margaret?” I asked.
