“She said nothing at all but I could tell something had agitated her. Whatdidshe see upstairs?”
Georgiana sat up, her hands clenched in her lap. The memory of his thumb on her lip made her stomach flip. “It doesn’t matter. It can’t matter.”
“Why?” Cecily’s brush stilled. “Because he’s our employer? Because of what people might say?”
“Because he’s convinced he’s too damaged for love. Because I’m someone he hired to restore his family’s legacy, not fall in love with him.” Her voice cracked. “I cannot love another man and have him refuse to marry me. It was bad enough with Robert rejecting me as he did. But to be James’s mistress? My heart cannot do it. I want more, Cecily. I want to be his wife. Bear his children. Be in a marriage where we actually share a bed.”
Cecily took Georgiana’s hands, her expression one of bewilderment. “He asked you to be his mistress? Are you sure?”
“He didn’t say it directly but the implication was there.” Tears pricked her eyes. “What am I doing? What am I supposed to do? I am in too deep already.”
“Oh, Georgie.” Cecily squeezed her fingers. “You left everything behind to protect me. You’ve stood up to creditors and gossips and Father’s ruin. You even manage Mother, which we both know is no small feat. You’re the bravest person I know. You will simply tell him the truth. It is either marriage or nothing.”
Georgiana stared at their joined hands. “He told me before—he cannot marry. Or won’t. I cannot participate in something untoward. If he wants a mistress, I am not that woman. No matter how badly I wanted him to kiss me.”
“He tried to kiss you?”
“Mrs. Ellsworth came in and interrupted, but yes, I believe that was what would have happened.”
“Lord Ashford is an honorable man who respects you. If he was about to kiss you, it’s because he cares deeply for you.”
“What if he’s happy we were interrupted? Relieved. Just the thought of that is too much to bear, which tells me how far I’ve let myself fall. I’m playing a dangerous game. One that will hurt me if I continue.”
“What if he isn’t happy you were interrupted?” Cecily countered. “What if he’s lying awake right now, wondering the same things?”
The thought of James sleepless, perhaps pacing his room, perhaps thinking of her was too much.
“I don’t know what to do,” Georgiana said.
“Perhaps, just this once, you don’t have to do anything. Simply let this wonderful thing between you unfold as it should. You’ve never learned the art of letting go, my dear sister. But it might be time to leave it up to destiny. If I’m correct, a great love story is unfoldingbefore our very eyes. Please, don’t push him away out of fear. Let something good happen. You deserve all the happiness in the world.”
“What if he will not marry me?”
“Then you will walk away and you will be all right. You do not need him.”
“But I want him,” Georgiana said. “I want all of him.”
“Have a little faith, Georgie. Look at all you’ve done with your life despite all the blows and hardships. You will see soon that a reward is coming your way. In the form of one large, rugged, dangerously handsome man.”
They stared at each other in the lamplight. Thunder rumbled distantly, the storm moving on.
“Let him come to you, Georgie. And he will. Please don’t run away before you even know what he truly wants.” Cecily stood, pressing a kiss to her sister’s head.
They both prepared for bed. When she finally slipped under the sheets and warm blankets, she closed her eyes and let the scene from earlier replay over and over in her mind until she fell asleep.
Chapter Fifteen
James
The storm hadpassed by morning, leaving the grounds soaked and steaming under a brittle crust of early sunlight. James stood at the window in his bedchamber, sipping coffee and watching the mist rise from the distant fields. The manor had the hushed stillness of a household not yet fully awake, but the quiet did nothing to settle his restless thoughts.
He hadn’t slept well.
The previous evening’s scene in the drawing room kept looping through his mind, but not the parts he’d expected to dwell on. Not her laughter or the way her eyes shone in the firelight, but that final, terrible moment when everything had gone wrong. The way her face had drained of color. The crack in her voice when she’d said she understood what he was suggesting.
But what in blazes had he suggested?
He’d replayed their conversation a dozen times, examining every word. He’d been speaking of marriage—hinting at it as delicately as he could manage. When he’d said a man might discover other ways to secure happiness, he’d meant other than remaining a bachelor forever. Other than his previous resolution never to wed.
