There’s an awkward pause, and I know her mind, like mine, is drifting to the alleyway. It already feels half-dream, half-memory.
“Thank you for everything today,” she says.
“And you.”
We exchange hesitant smiles before she retreats upstairs. A moment before the door clicks shut, I hear a sneeze echo down, and I curse under my breath.
Brilliant. I kept her standing around, shivering and catching cold while I waxed lyrical about grief. I should have done what any respectable Englishman would have done: put the kettle on.
Neither time nor tea can heal all, but they both certainly help. Dredging up the past, however, does not. I should know that by now. Yet, I don’t regret opening up to her. It feels, at last, as though the past has loosened its hold.
Her footsteps creak across the floorboards above, a faint reminder thatshe’s here, under my roof. I linger in the kitchen and fill the kettle for tomorrow.
In the morning, I’ll brew a pot for us.
Suddenly, I realise two things: one, that I’m assuming she’ll come down to have breakfast with me; and two, that I very much hope she will.
15
Permission
Lily-Anne
I peel off my wet clothes and step into the shower, letting hot water wash away the chill.
Brandon’s face won’t leave me. Not just the way his gaze held mine in the rain, but the tortured look that followed when Nova’s voice cut through the storm. He carries so much sorrow beneath that calm exterior. I wish I could offer him some comfort.
I close my eyes and relax beneath the shower’s heat, letting dreamy clouds of steam wrap around me.
My mind drifts back to the alleyway—that luminous moment beneath the awning, the tearoom’s glow catching every raindrop, every detail of him. For a dizzying second, I thought he was leaning in. And I leaned in too.
“You’re imagining things,”Toby’s voice slithers through the steam.“Why would he want to kiss you?”
I shut off the tap, pressing my forehead against the cool tiles until the voice fades.
So what if I fancy Brandon? It’s a silly little crush. I’ll get over it. He’s still bound to Natalie’s memory, and the last thing I want is to complicate things. Besides, I came to England to find myself again—not to fall in love.
As I think of Nova, and how much of herself she gave away trying to be what others wanted, something in me finally lets go. I don’t want to disappear like that.
Tomorrow, I’ll make a fresh start. Like Brandon said, I didn’t lose my music. I was waiting for permission.
I forgot it was mine before anyone else’s.
There’s nothing standing in my way anymore.
Not even me.
***
Sunlight warms my face when I wake late the next morning. I forgot to close the curtains last night, yet I somehow still slept through to eleven.
I lie in bed, breathing evenly as lyrics drift into my mind like a gentle breeze.
The song title comes to me first:Goodbye Shadow. I picture sunny hills covered in wildflowers, and the lyrics find me.
Goodbye shadow
You just cling to the doorway
