Thewhyis what eats me up inside daily—why was I punished?
Why was I sent away?
Why couldn’t Masen look at me?
Why didn’t my dad or brother call?
Why, why, why!
I’m so sick of not knowing and always wondering what the hell I did. I drop down onto the edge of my bed and bury my face in my hands. I can feel the tears stinging the backs of my eyes but I refuse to let them fall. I won’t allow myself to feel defeated. I may have lost my memories and shit may have changed, but that doesn’t mean I have to crumble under the pressure of it all.
I can’t. If I allow it to drag me under, then I’m afraid I’ll never be able to claw my way out of that dark hole for a second time.
“Toren!” I groan and try to bat away the hand that is rousing me but the pesky thing won’t piss off. “Toren, get up.” It takes a second for the sound of the voice to register. The instant it does I grow tense. I allow myself another second to get my emotions under control before I open my eyes, coming face to face with my father’s black slacks. I slowly trail my gaze up his body, noting he’s wearing a new suit. When I reach his face I almost turn away, he doesn’t look like the Dad I knew. His face is etched in harsh lines and his eyes hold a haunted look. I can tell he is walling off his emotions from me and that hurts.
I push myself up and swing my legs over the side of the bed. I didn’t mean to fall asleep last night, but it appears being manhandled from some creep breaking into my room exhausted me. I didn’t bother to call out for Fredrick, what was the point? My father made it clear he didn’t care about me when he shipped me off and my brother never came to see me.
“I didn’t expect to get a personal wakeup call from the new senator,” I clip out bitterly. I may not have had access to the outside world during my stay at Walter House but that didn’t mean I hadn’t heard the nurses talking. To find out my father was now a senator was a shock. It hurt that I had to find out from gossip instead of being told by him directly.
He exhales and runs a hand through his salt and pepper hair, tiredly. The fact he won’t even look me in the eye bothers me but it's the awkward tension between us that is the worst. He’s my father, my DNA is half of him. He raised me and yet, I feel so uncomfortable being around him and just want him to leave.Conversation between us used to be easy. I was a daddy’s girl and his little princess but that all changed the moment I woke up in the hospital. Now, I just feel like an imposter living in his home.
“Yes, well I hadn’t expected to be doing it either.” Silence ensues. I keep my focus on the carpeted floor and twirl my hands in my lap, fighting the urge not to grasp my pendant and chant those words over and over until I can calm myself. “You need to collect your things. You’ll be moving into the dorms on campus.”
I snap my head up, my eyes wide and hope begins to unfurl inside me. I’ll finally be able to see KennaDee and the guys. The moment I see my brother I won’t give him the option not to answer my questions and force him to tell me what happened.
“You’re letting me live on campus at SU?” I whisper, almost certain I misunderstood him.
He purses his lips, his eyes flicker with pain for a second before the look vanishes and I’m left wondering if it was even there to begin with. “Yes. You have an hour before you leave so pack your things.” I don’t waste a second. I jump up and ignore the hideous red paint in my room and race to my wardrobe, only to come to a sudden stop at the sight of the boxes on the floor. “They have been packed into seasons. Select which ones you wish to take with you now and the rest can be delivered at a later date.” My vision turns hazy as I fight back tears. I grind my teeth, trying to control my temper but fail. I whirl around and face my father, who stands there with his hands stuffed in his pockets and a firm look on his face.
“Why, Dad?” I choke out, my tears falling unchecked as I stare at my father, begging him to explain what happened and why he wants nothing to do with me. “What did I do to make you hate me so much?” His eyes widen as he stumbles back a step. His face pales as he stares at me. I beg him without words to take mercy on me and tell me why this is all happening.
He opens his mouth to say something but all I’m met with is silence. We stand here, facing off against each other, a battle of wills. He’s the first to back down. I wish I could say I was surprised by his cowardice but I’m not. He couldn’t even spare me five minutes for a phone call, so I don’t know what I was hoping to achieve right now in praying he would shed some fucking light on why my life has turned to shit.
“Select the boxes you wish to bring with you. Frederick will bring the others.” I stare at him long and hard for a moment, my body engulfed by my anger. I want to scream and lash out at him but the fear of him sending me back to Walter House simmers inside me and eventually wins.
I release a tired sigh and nod. “Okay,” I mumble as I swipe away my tears and begin sorting through my things.
CHAPTER THREE
TOREN
I was shocked when I climbed in the back of the car to find my father seated beside me. I thought he would have just sent Fredrick to drop me off. He says nothing as Fredrick begins to drive, just sits there replying to messages on his phone. It seems so strange to me now. A year ago, misplacing or losing my phone was the worst possible thing to happen in my life but now, I sit here watching him and feel grateful I’m no longer wasting my life staring at the screen of a phone.
Life had passed me by and I didn’t even realize it until I didn’t have a phone anymore. I spent hours posting, scrolling and waiting for the perfect lighting to snap a picture. I was shallow and self-absorbed. I had no self-worth and cared for nothing except the likes I would get on Insta, TikTok and Snap. That was my life: phone, school, Masen, our friends, hockey and hang out. Kenna and I loved spending time with the guys, they were the biggest cock blocks and made every guy within a sixty foot radius know we were off limits. It didn’t bother me though because the guy I wanted most was always around. I could watch him from afar and dream about the day he would finally grow the courage to claim me.
Wishful thinking, dumbass.
I rub my eyes and force myself to think about something else?—
“You will maintain an A average in all your classes.” I swivel around in my seat and face my father. I know he’s speaking to me but he refuses to even lift his gaze from his damned phone!
“I always got A’s,” I fire back.
He grunts in response before pushing on. “You are not to attend any hockey games, frat parties or campus dorm parties.” I recoil in outrage.
“So, you want me to become a social pariah?” He opens his mouth to fight back but I push on. “You know Masen and I always hang out on the weekends with our friends. I go to every hockey game even though I hate the damned sport to support Mase and the guys.”
“Well, not anymore. You will have tutors who will come to you every weekend and you will study and catch up.”
