“To the one place no one else would,” I answer cryptically. She huffs out her annoyance and crosses her arms over her chest. I take the next left and head toward the end of the road where the giant wrought iron gates are open. I hear her inhale sharply as she sits up straight in her seat.
“Kenna,” she breathes out wistfully as we pass through the gates and enter the cemetery. This little outing is something I chose to keep from Cas. If he found out I brought her here,he would lose his fucking mind. There have been many nights where he has gone AWOL and I’ve found him drunk and passed out on KennaDee’s grave. Unlike Cas, I haven’t had the gumption to visit Miles or Neave’s graves. I don’t see the point. Their bodies are six feet under the dirt, being eaten by worms and every other fucking bug, plus it’s not like they are even there anymore. They’re dead. That’s it. There is no coming back from that shit.
I pull to a stop under the shade of one of the large trees that line the edge of the road. Toren keeps her gaze ahead, unwilling to look out the window. I’m prepared for her to sob and scream, then admit she was full of shit about not remembering that night, but what I’m not prepared for is her turning to face me with an utterly devastated look on her face.
“Why?” she breathes that one word out in a whisper, her voice so soft like the current of the wind.
“What?”
“Why did you bring me here, Xaden?” There’s a tremble in her voice and her eyes slowly begin to fill with tears that she refuses to let fall.
“Closure.”
She eyes me sternly. Her eyes turn calculating but I keep my face blank. She’ll never be able to read me. “Liar.”
“What the fuck did you just call me?” I snarl.
She doesn’t shrink back or cower from my icy tone, if anything it only seems to harden her resolve. “You brought me here for a reason and it wasn’t to get closure. Do you want to see me break? Is your hatred for my brother so deep you wish to hurt me in order to get to him? What the hell are you trying to prove?” She’s panting after blurting all of that out in one breath. I don’t think as I reach out and wrap my hand around her throat. She doesn’t fight me, just tilts her head back enough to give mebetter access while keeping her eyes on me the entire time. “Do it, end it all, take my life.”
My eyes narrow. “You think I wouldn’t snap your pretty little neck and send you to hell?”
“I’m already in hell. You would be doing me a favor.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
TOREN
I watch his face for a reaction but I see nothing. Xaden is a void. He’s the type of guy that shows no emotion and only lets you see what he wants you to. I know he didn’t bring me here out of the kindness of his heart. He may not say the words but I know he hates me. I see it in his eyes every time he looks at me.
“You want to die?” This time there is a sudden change in his tone but I can’t quite pinpoint what it is. But his eyes, I see my own feelings mirrored in them—self-loathing.
“What is there to live for?” He darts his eyes between mine, searching for deceit. He will find only truth. His hold on my neck loosens slightly and I feel disappointment rather than relief. I dart my hand out and grip his wrist, forcing his hand to remain where it is. “I know about you and your family.” His eyes clear of all other emotions except for anger, but I don’t allow that to deter me. “To teach is to learn. To learn is to excel. To excel is to thrive. To thrive is to live.”
“Is that supposed to mean something to me, Tink?” he grits out through clenched teeth. I should be terrified about being alone in a cemetery with Xaden Devlin. I don’t feel fear right now, all I feel is the need for him to keep his word and end my life.
“Those words and the help of a friend I never knew I needed was the only thing that kept me alive.” I clamp my mouth shut. I’ve said more than I should have and knowledge is power. I can’t afford for someone like Xaden to have that type of power over me. He is the type of person to be smart enough to use it to his advantage.
When his thumb bruises against my throat, my eyes widen slightly. “I’m going to destroy your soul, Tink,” he utters in a calm, even tone. Call me crazy but I believe him.
“My soul is rotten. Take it, it’s yours.”
His eyes wrinkle at the corners as his grip tightens enough to cause me discomfort. “I want nothing from you.” He drops his hold on me but I can still feel the ghost of his fingers restricting my airways. “There is a reason you’re here, but I won’t tell you.”
“Why?” I press.
A sinister smirk touches the corner of his lips. “Don’t ask questions you don’t have the stomach to hear the answers to. Put your big girl pants on and get the fuck out of my car. Go see the corpse of your best friend that was breathing until you killed her.” A tidal wave of pain slams into me. My breathing turns choppy and ragged as I dig into my shirt and wrap my hand around my pendant as I repeat my mantra.
To teach is to learn. To learn is to excel. To excel is to thrive. To thrive is to live.
I keep repeating those words over and over in my head as I swivel away from him and shove the door open. The cool air hits me and I suddenly feel like I can breathe easier. I didn’t realize how much Xaden’s presence sucked the oxygen out of the atmosphere.
I stand here clutching my pendant in a death grip as I stare at the cemetery. I know exactly where her family plot is as we came here many times so she could visit her grandparents. I never in a million years thought I would be coming here to seeher. Tearsprick the backs of my eyes and I fight not to let them fall. I have no right to feel broken over her loss when I’m the one who put her in here. No, not just her but I ruined two other families’ lives.
Neave and Miles.
Xaden’s best friends were in the other car and lost their lives that night. Why did I survive? It should have been me. I’ve never gotten drunk out in public before, I was too paranoid about my drink being spiked or some guy taking advantage of me while I was wasted.
Why did I drink that night?
