“Even you?” I blurt out. When his eyes widen in surprise, I wish for the beach to open up and swallow me whole. We stand here with tension radiating between us, neither of us speaking for a long time. The noise around us becomes nothing but a distant hum as I get lost in his eyes.
“Especially me,” he grits out, then turns and stalks away, leaving me standing here staring after him like he didn’t just drop the biggest bomb of the century on me.
If only I had known that would be the last time I would be together with all my friends, and the last time I would feel any type of happiness, maybe I would have found the courage to tell him how I really felt.
CHAPTER ONE
TOREN
Present…
What if death wasn’t the end?
What if it was just the beginning?
From the moment we are born, we are dying. Death clings to each of us throughout our lives, it’s like a constant shadow that lurks in the background, following us everywhere we go. It never interferes, never saves us but it’s just… there.
What if I told you death was my friend?
Would you believe me or think I was crazy?
I don’t blame you for thinking I’m out of my mind, that’s what everyone thought. I didn’t start my first year of college like I had planned. Everything changedthatnight. Death has clung to me like a decaying stench, I went from being the small voice in the quiet and hiding in my brother’s shadow to front page news. I was all everyone talked about on social media. I became a meme. I was the butt of every joke. To be called a Toren was worse than being labeled aKaren.
I don’t remember what happened that night. The doctors told my father that I suffered short term memory loss and I may never get the memories back. For months I tried to figure out what happened that night, Ineededto know how one decisioncould change the fate of eight lives. It used to eat at me daily and consume every waking thought.
I was in the hospital for three weeks with no recollection of the events that took place that night. The only people that came to visit me were Masen and my father. Caspian, Kellan and KennaDee never once came. I begged Mase to call them but he refused. I pleaded for them to tell me what happened but they remained tight lipped. When it came time to be discharged, I expected to go home and recover further. I sustained a broken leg, fractured ribs, broken collar bone and four broken fingers from a wreck I had no memory of.
I never got to go home.
Outside the hospital I was met with the sight of four nurses, two female and two male. When I tried to back up a frightened step on my crutches, my father gripped my arms and held me in place. I swung my gaze to my brother, pleading for him to save me from whatever this is but he just turned away while the two men lifted me and placed me inside a van. I was whisked away from everything I knew. I was being punished for something I knew nothing about. I had no idea at the time but my father had sent me to a treatment center. I was treated like a criminal, locked in my room for refusing to take medication. Sedated when I tried to flee, punished when I broke into the office to use the phone to try and call KennaDee to come save me.
We should never have made that stupid pact.
Masen hasn’t called me once, not a single visit. My father came twice but then declared he couldn’t bear to see me in a place like this. I wanted to scream at him and shout out at the injustice, he was the one who put me in here and yet he couldn’t stand the sight of me in this faded blue gown. We weren’t allowed to wear our own clothes until we proved we could behave. After four months I learned to keep my head down and my mouth shut. I thought if I could just bide my time then surelythey would have to let me go. I wasn’t set free but I was allowed to mix with the rest of the occupants.
It was then I met Emmerson—or Emery as she liked to be called. She made this place bearable. She taught me how to survive this hell, much like me she was put in here by her parents against her will. I learned all about Walter House from Emery. This place was a jail for the rich and wealthy. It's where parents send their children so they can keep it out of the press and not have their names tarnished by their troubled teens. That revelation took me a long time to digest. I was a straight A student, never took days off or even had a single tardy. I was the good girl, never rebelled, never acted out when my mom left us. I only ever went out with my brother and our friends. If I stayed over anywhere it was only at KennaDee’s. I couldn’t understand why I was being punished.
What did I do?
I’ve had no access to the outside world—no phone or internet. The only reason I know what the outside world is saying about me is from Harper, a girl who came here five months ago. When she saw me she screamed and had all of us tensing, thinking she was going to have a mental breakdown until she flung herself at me and ranted about how amazing it was to meettheToren Kellar. Emery and I were so confused until she told us about the memes and being called aToren. I tried to get information out of her about what happened but she had no idea, she was from the other side of the country.
Twelve long, agonizing months later. A year older and I’m finally being released from this hellhole.
This was not how I planned for my first year of college to go. It’s part of Walter House’s rules that we must study. I haven’t selected a major yet but I’ve been taking my classes online. I should be grateful I haven’t fallen behind but I’m not. I shouldn’t have been here to begin with!
Kellan was right, we all jinxed ourselves making that stupid pact!
“You ready to go?” I turn away from the barred window in my tiny shoebox sized room to see Emery and Harper standing in the doorway. I shoot them both a sad smile, I feel horrible leaving them both behind. When I found out last week that I would be leaving, Emery had been nothing but happy for me but Harper, she was definitely bitter. I’m not mad at her, I understand how it feels to watch people get to go home but not knowing when it will be your turn is the part that kills you. “Don’t look so sad, you made it out of here,” Emery adds.
“Yeah, I guess,” I mutter. Harper tries to smile reassuringly but it does nothing to dull the nerves thrumming through me. Whatever Emery sees on my face has her entering my room, gripping my hands in hers and holding my gaze as she speaks.
“You spent a year in Satan’s asshole. No matter what comes at you when you get home, you can handle it.To teach is to learn. To learn is to excel. To excel is to thrive. To thrive is to live.” A whoosh of air escapes me at her reciting my brother’s famous catch phrase. I’ve lived by that stupid phrase for the past year. I’ve claimed it as my own now and Masen can just suck it up if he doesn’t like that I trademarked it as my own. “Listen, learn, excel, thrive and don’t forget to live, Tor. Live for the both of us but never forget that there are people who have been rooting for you from the start.”
I wrap my arms around her and hold tightly. I can’t find the right words to express how grateful I am for everything she has done for me, so I say it without words and pour it all into my hug.
“I owe you everything, Emery,” I whisper as I fight to keep my tears at bay.
Her hold on me tightens. “You don’t owe me a goddamn thing, Tor.” I pull back and cup her face, her gray eyes are filled with tears. Emery is effortlessly beautiful. Her hair is longand stops at her waist in natural waves and the most stunning raven color, it almost looks like it’s shimmering in the sun. It’s not just her features that make her beautiful, it's her aura and personality that radiates beauty.
