I pull away and head upstairs, trying not to rush, even though I am running away. Leaving before he can leave me.
Orion calls after me. When I get to my room, I close the door, careful not to slam it, blinking through the tears.
Back in this room, where I spent most of yesterday browsing the books, ignoring the worried alphas, it feels safe again. Small and safe.
Not so worried anymore, are they? They think I'm making this all up. Or that our connection isn't real. That I hired witches to fake this whole mate business.
We should practice, Beep says, changing the subject. I sniff and wipe the tears away.
"What?"
Our mates will appreciate us being battle-ready. We should practice shifting. We are too slow.
I can't. Even.
"Not our mates, Beep. Or weren't you listening? He thinks we're freaks. And that the witches spelled me so I'd smell like their mate. Our connection isn't even real." That's not exactly what Grayson said, but it's what he implied.
It's only been a few days, how can this hurt so much?
I look around the room, at all the things I've acquired. Should I start packing now?
They are our mates. I know this to be true. Let them do their tests, then they will know, too.
"And that doesn't bother you? That we're just supposed to accept everything they tell us, but when the tables are turned, they don't believe me or you? I'm not alone in this mess, you know. You're the one he called an aberration."
Beep's quiet at first. And then,Yes. It bothers me. But he will worship your feet when he learns the truth.
"I don't think that's the expression," I laugh through the tears.
There is plenty of room to practice shifting. It is time. It's been too many days.
She's right. We haven't shifted since before we came here, though it feels like it's been months, not days. And shifting will get my mind off Grayson.
We've got our shift time down to five minutes, but I know it's not what it should be, especially after watching Grayson shift so fast back in the hospital. I was half-drugged and still screaming, but I remember the fluid ease of it, the speed.
His shift is quick because he is connected to his wolf. He is stronger than us. He is the perfect mate.
Ugh, kill me now. "Just because he's a fast shifter doesn't mean he's perfect. In fact, he's kind of an asshole."
He is a leader and has many responsibilities. He's torn between duty and desire.
"That does not give him the right to be a dick to me."
As I said, he will worship your feet. You can make him pay when the time comes. But he smells like home. And he is the strongest of our kind. Orion as well. Perfect mates.
"I'd like very much for him to just not be a dick in the first place."
Shifters are missing. The witches are slowly infiltrating. He should trust in our connection, but he does not know us and has honest concerns. If he knew us, I would be more upset. Be patient.
"So what am I supposed to do? Just forgive him for being an asshole? For making me believe he actually cared about me and then changing his mind and deciding his feelings aren't real and I'm the enemy?"
Beep doesn't respond. She's focused on shifting, and I get the impression as much as I want to shit-talk Grayson, she's having none of it, and it's putting a dent in my righteous anger. So, I get undressed and attempt to meditate, naked on the rug at the foot of the bed. It's the only place I'm not worried about ripping anything up once she takes control. She's a little messy.
I am not messy. You are messy. The lack of control when we shift is your fault.
I roll my eyes. "Riiiight. I'm not the one with the claws. Last time you took control, you flopped around like a dead fish."
I sense Beep's embarrassment, then feel a flash of regret. She hates that she doesn't have control. Worse, that I notice. Though she senses my apology, it only spurs her on to practice. Together, we focus. We struggle to connect. I don't know how to hand over the reins, and I flinch every time I feel her try to grab it from me. Eventually, though, I feel the familiar buzzing beneath my skin and relinquish control.
