I make an effort.
I shave my legs. Properly. The whole leg, not just the bit people see. I put on mascara. I dig out that dress I used to wear back when we actually went on dates.
Dan changes out of his usual T-shirt and jeans, opting for a shirt that reminds me of the guy I used to flirt with shamelessly.
For a moment, I feel a flicker of something.
Excitement?
Nerves?
Like we’re back at the beginning, just two people trying to impress each other.
We sit at the dining table, candles flickering between us, plates of pasta steaming.
It’s nice. A little weird. But nice.
Dan raises his glass. “To us trying to remember how to ride a bike.”
I clink mine against his. “To hoping we don’t crash.”
We take a sip, and for a minute, there’s peace.
A comfortable quiet.
And then…
“DAD! RUBY JUST TOOK HER NAPPY OFF AND SHE’S RUNNING NAKED THROUGH THE HALLWAY!”
Of course she is.
Once again, instant regret over the big girl bed. At least in her cot the poo would be contained. But I won’t lie… I’m slightly relieved. There’s something so awkward about being alone with Dan and trying to be romantic that Ruby’s naked streak suddenly feels like a welcome disaster.
We both groan, dropping our forks.
“I’ll get her,” Dan sighs, pushing his chair back.
I reach for my wine. “I’ll just be here. Romancing myself.”
Dan returns with Ruby clothed and furious about it, and the moment is officially dead.
He sits down and exhales. “So this is why people go to hotels.”
“Or hire live-in nannies,” I mutter, twirling my pasta.
Later, when we finally crawl into bed, we lie there in the dark and I feel that familiar tension.
The want.
The fear.
The awkwardness of starting again.
Dan reaches out, brushing a piece of hair from my face, and my whole body reacts like it remembers him even when my brain panics.
And just as he leans in…
“Muuuuum!”
