I rolled over to face her and shook my head.
“Well, I’ll tell you now. But if I do, you have to take a shower and go out with me.”
I cringed and shook my head. “I don’t want anyone to see me, Aunt Jolene.”
Her grin was scary. “I’ll take care of that part. Come on. Get in the shower and I’ll yell the story through the curtain.”
With some coercion and sheer force she managed to get me into the shower. I was still in my clothes when she turned the water on. I screamed as the cold water hit me in the face.
“Alright, hush so you can hear me!” Aunt Jolene perched on the toilet lid and raised her voice. “So, your mom was fourteen and madly in love with this guy whose name I can’t remember because he was immediately irrelevant after he hurt your mom. They’d been dating for six months and she thought he was the one. He was two years older and convinced her that he was ready for sex so she should be, too. Especially if she wanted to date an older guy.”
A shiver went down my spine at the idea of my mom being hurt by a stupid boy, despite the water being hotter. “What’d he do?”
“She did what she thought she had to do to keep the boy she loved. She gave up her virginity before she was ready and the next day he laughed at her and told her he couldn’t love a slut who gave it up so fast. She was crushed.”
I shoved my hair out of my face and scowled. “Remember his name so I can hunt him down.”
“Oh, your mom handled him, honey.” She laughed and even slapped her leg. “She was heartbroken and miserable but she wasn’t willing to let him win. She went to one of his guy friends at school that she was friends with, too, and she pretended to need his advice. She told him that she’d had sex with her boyfriend but still had her hymen because he was so small. She told me that she barely held it together when she cried to him that she thought she would’ve feltsomethingwhen she lost her virginity. She butchered her boyfriend’s reputation with one well-planned conversation with a guy she knew wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth closed.”
I found myself smiling. “She was brilliant.”
“Oh, yeah. She was still devastated by everything but she made damn sure she wasn’t going to be the only one hurting. The entire school couldn’t stop laughing at herex-boyfriend and how small his dick had to be. Unless he wanted to pull it out and show everyone all he could do was claim it was bullshit. He switched schools after a few months and that was the only time I ever supported bullying.” She stood up and stuck her head into the shower. “Your mother was a badass, even when she was crying herself to sleep every night. You are your mother’s child, Cass, and I know you’re tougher than this. You can’t stop living your life. Cry all you want but don’t give up and hide. You deserve more than that. And those idiot boys don’t deserve the ability to exist without facing what they did.”
I swallowed down the desire to argue that hiding was completely fine for me. “I can’t face them, Aunt Jolene. I’m giving up my position doing massage therapy for the team. Maybe I’m just weaker than Mom was. The idea of facing them, seeing them look at me with pity, kills me. I just feel so stupid. I don’t even know if I’m angry at them. I’m just so angry with myself.”
“You should be angry with them! They made you think they were in love with you, sweetheart. And then they dropped a bomb on you in front of the people who hurt you so much last year. They were careless with you. Have they even called to talk to you?”
Tears burned my eyes for the millionth time and I shrugged. “My phone died and I just left it dead. It wouldn’t matter if they did reach out. There’s no saving anything between us. I refuse to befriendswith more men who don’t care about me enough.”
“You deserve love, Cass. And you’ll find someone who cherishes you and treats you like you’re everything to them.” She smiled. “And I need to be honest. You probably won’t find that person where we’re going tonight. But you also won’t see anyoneyou don’t want to see there. Now hurry up and shower. Take those clothes off, weirdo. I’ll be in my room setting up the beauty station for you.”
An hour later I was staring at my reflection and wondering what the hell I’d agreed to. I looked identical to Aunt Jolene with a giant blonde wig, pink sequins, lots of makeup, and even fake boob inserts to help me fill out the dress. It looked like a Mommy and Me Dolly Parton photoshoot was about to happen.
“This is good.” Aunt Jolene gripped my shoulders and shook me. “We’re definitely going to win tonight.”
I swallowed nervously. “Win?”
She waved my question away. “Don’t worry about it. Let’s go, Lil’ Dolly.”
One last glance at my reflection at least showed me that no one would recognize me if they did see me.
69
***West***
“She’s not coming.” Coach stepped into Cassidy’s office and shook his head. “Whatever happened between you four made her quit. Doc isn’t happy about it, either. He’d started to really like and appreciate having her around so if he suddenly suggests fifteen-minute ice baths twice a day, you know why. Everyone had started to really like her.”
Hayes shot to his feet. “She quit?”
“That’s what I said.” Coach scowled at the three of us. “As much as she liked this job, y’all must’ve really fucked up. Good job. Excellent fucking work, assholes.”
I stared at the spot he’d been for a full minute after he left. I couldn’t make sense of anything. I’d been in a fog for days since driving away from Cassidy’s house the night of Sam’s dinner party. We’d each shown up for our therapy appointments, hoping we’d be the one she’d show up for but each of us had walked away without having seen her. For some reason we’d thought all of us showing up together would make a difference.Apparently, the fog made me fucking stupid. Of course, she wasn’t going to show up. She didn’t want to see us.
Cash cleared his throat and rubbed his eyes. “We’re fucking this up.”
“When she wouldn’t answer our calls or texts I thought she just needed space and time but now I don’t know. What if she needed more?”
“Like proof that she actually means something to us? Something to get the sound of us saying everything was fake out of her head?” I dropped my head back and stared up at the ceiling. “We should’ve climbed through her bedroom window that night and spilled our guts. We owed her that. We should’ve hunted her down and risked castration to get to her. We just proved to her that she’s right to think we never gave a shit.”
