My heart felt like it was breaking into a million pieces as I realized just how stupid I’d been. I loved them. I thought they loved me, too, but they’d never said it. They’d never promised me anything more than a PR stunt to save their reputations. I’d just thought they loved me. I’d thought…
It didn’t matter. They didn’t love me. Sam Ford had some sort of video of me having sex with his three sons. And I was more sure than ever that I’d never meant anything to a single person in the room. Poor little Cass, always there but never wanted. Always there but never cared for. I’d done the same thing again. I’d given myself entirely to three men who didn’t ask for it and didn’t want it.
I slowly backed away from the table and the final blow was watching no one notice but Sam. He watched me go with a smirk and I knew more and more with each step that I took away from the table that he was right to laugh at me. I was a fool. A fucking fool who couldn’t get throwing her heart at men who didn’t want it.
As soon as I was out of the dining room I turned and ran out of the house. The sun had been setting when we pulled up to Sam’s house and it’d vanished while we were inside. Clouds had rolled in for one of the fast storms I’d grown to expect in Texas and it was like it’d been planned perfectly when I stepped out of the house and the skies opened up.
Evidence of just how stupid I really was the way I kept looking back at the door as I ran through the rain. I kept hoping they’d burst out of the house and come running for me. I hoped they’d apologize and carry me home with their arms around me so tight. The door didn’t budge, though. They’d meant what they said. And maybe it was time for me to take a rejection for what it was.
I ran for as long as I could before I broke down sobbing and had to slow to a walk so I could suck in gasping breaths. My nosewas blocked that quickly and my head was throbbing. I stumbled along the side of the road, wondering how I’d messed things up for myself so horribly again. Mud splashed up my feet and ankles, staining my lower half dirty brown, and I had to shove my soaked hair off my face so I could see.
Ideas of leaving another college filled me with dread but in that moment, I felt like I’d never be able to face them again. Pain radiated through my body unlike anything I’d ever felt over Cole. I wasn’t sure I’d make it home. I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t just crawl into a ball at the side of the road and hope the rain drowned me.
Shouting from next to me scared me enough that I stumbled and fell forward. The gravel bit into my palms and my knees, drawing blood, but even as I watched the rain puddle red in my palms I couldn’t feel anything past the pain in my chest.
“Jesus. Get in, Cass!” Savannah was there, grabbing my arm and dragging me to my feet. “I may strongly dislike you but I’m not going to let you get hit by someone out here.”
I looked at her and fought to suck my emotions into check. Even while soaking wet and bleeding I had a little too much pride to look entirely pathetic. I could tell my efforts were useless by the way her mouth pinched and turned down.
“Just come on.” She climbed into the backseat of the truck first and then motioned me in after her. I didn’t know what I was doing but I just followed her.
I shut the door and leaned into it, keeping my face turned to the window. “T-thank you.”
She was quiet next to me as the truck started moving again but I could feel her vibrating next to me with unspoken words. The truck was silent except for the squeak of the windshield wipers. When it was clear Savannah couldn’t keep her lips closed for another second I tensed and waited for the death blow.
Instead of the same harsh tone she’d ripped into me with earlier, her voice was soft and quiet. “You love them.”
I kept my face turned away and wiped at my eyes. “I don’t want your men, Savannah. I was wrong-”
“I meant my brothers. You love my brothers.”
I pressed my forehead into the window and sucked in a shaky breath. “I don’t want to talk about it. Thank you for the ride. You can drop me off wherever.”
“We’re not going to drop you off to make it home on your own when you’re this upset.” Jax grumbled from the front seat. “What’s the address.”
I spit it out, not wanting to talk more than I had to. Not when I felt like I could hardly breathe. Not when I wasn’t going home with the men I wanted to go home with. Not when the last people on earth I’d ever want to see me have my heart brokenagainwere seeing it.
Savannah sighed as Ryder’s GPS alerted that we were almost at my address. “Cass… I don’t know what to say.”
I wiped my eyes and pushed my hair back before turning to face her. I only had a few minutes until I’d be free from ever having to see any of them again. “I thought I was protecting my best friends when I found out why you were on campus in LA. I was angry and then jealous and I fucked up. I’m sorry. I should’ve done things differently. You didn’t deserve my hate. But you have to know that I don’t want anything from your boyfriends. I came here for my aunt and maybe I had some idea of getting back at you but after meeting your brothers… I didn’t care about you anymore. I didn’t care about any of you more than as a painful memory I wanted to forget.”
Savannah grunted. “Well, hell. Don’t pull any punches.”
“I just had the three men I thought were my best friends for most of my life shouting at me for being an obsessed loser and I listened to you say shit that hurt so you’ll have to forgive me if I don’t speak with your friendship in mind, Savannah. I fucked up.I hurt you. But I never plan on seeing you again after you drop me off and I’m going to count us as even.”
She looked away and nodded. “Yeah, that’s fair.”
Cole cleared his throat. “We just thought-”
Jax thankfully pulled up outside of Aunt Jolene’s house so I could leave after I said what I needed to say. I met Cole’s worried gaze and took a deep breath. “I may feel sorry for what I helped put Savannah through but I need you to know something, Cole. I never want to see you again. I never want to hear your name or think of your existence again in my life. I spent years dedicated to you and you alone. I waited on you because you asked me to. My dad died and you dumped me with the promise that if I waited on you, you’d come back to me. You led me on for years. You made me hope and you let me think there was a chance. And then when it wasn’t convenient for you anymore, you tossed me aside. You said awful shit about me and stood there like you couldn’t understand why I couldn’t just let you go. All three of you are assholes and I think I hate you. I had to come to Texas to understand what it means to feel cared for. You were my friends. You were supposed to be there for me and none of you ever gave a shit about me.
“I’m glad you found Savannah and I hope you’re all happy together. But I also hope you leave tonight feeling sick from knowing how you treated me. I fought for all of you like it was my fucking purpose in life. I thought we were this group of best friends who had each other’s backs. But now I realize that you had each other’s backs and I was just…there. The nerve of you to show up in my life again and assume I still want anything to do with any of you after the way you treated me and the things you said about me is goddamn laughable. I would rather cut my arms off with a pair of rusty craft scissors than ever speak to any one of you again. What I should’ve said earlier is that I think thethree of you should all go fuck yourselves and come back down to earth. You meant the world to me before I knew better.”
The silence in the truck was heavy. Savannah swallowed audibly and looked over at Cole but he was looking down at the floorboard of the truck like he’d find something useful to say down there.
It was Ryder who finally spoke. “We-”
“Fuck you.” I pushed open the truck door and climbed out. I shook my head and looked back at Savannah. “I’m glad they became better men for you. Thank you for the ride home and I hope I never see you again.”
