The sun was setting behind the stadium and the field lights hadn’t kicked on so I stood there, in the glow of a hundred cellphones, wondering if I was the monster everyone said I was. There was something wrong with me and maybe I did need help, like Hayes said.
The stadium lights buzzed to life and the cell phone glow dimmed with each person who took mercy on me and walked away.
10
***Cass***
Aunt Jolene sat across from me on the chaise lounge shaped like a giant high heel. She was quiet, too quiet. Her sequin boot practically vibrated as she bounced her foot, one leg crossed over the other in a crystal covered jumpsuit. I wasn’t entirely sure how she was sitting in it with how tight it was but she’d managed.
The morning after the football game and publication of my expose, we were both sitting in such a loud silence that I was getting a headache. Or maybe I’d woken up with the same headache I’d gone to bed with.
I cracked first. “I’m sorry. You took me in and I just humiliated myself in front of what feels like the entire state. It’s not too late for you to disown me.”
She shot to her feet so fast that her giant head of curls bobbled. Her wigs normally didn’t budge so I held my breath for her entire persona to budge as she ripped me a new one. Aunt Jolene never did what was expected of her, though. “Firstof all, whoever took that picture should be hired to shoot porn professionally. They made you look fucking stunning, honey. The lighting, the tone of your skin against theirs, even the way your hair is all messy…it’s gold. I mean, fuck them for invading your privacy like they did, but that’s a hot picture. You should frame it and hang it over your bed as a nod to your sexuality and sensuality.
“Second of all, if you get me the name of the person who did it, I’ll handle them. And the names of those so-called friends from USC who said all that horrible shit about you. I know a Cher impersonator in LA who has a size fourteen foot and who played professional football for two years before he found his Cher. I can have him on his way to see them in five minutes, doll. Just say the word.”
I opened my mouth to tell her no but she just charged on.
“Third of all, I would never disown you. I just got you here and there’s no way I’m letting you go. You clearly need a woman’s touch because look how easily you’re letting this break you. That’s male behavior, Cassie baby. Women are stronger than this. Women have to get used to being shit on in the world. People are going to see you and that picture of you looking like one hot tamale and they’re going to attack. You can’t break just because someone wants you broken.”
“Aunt Jolene, they aren’t attacking because they’re jealous of my sexuality. They have real reasons to hate me. I did go after Savannah Ford. I still want to in a way. I tried to hurt her last year. She’s USC’s sweetheart now and I was the evil bitch who tried to take her down. No one cares that I did it for Cole, Jax, and Ryder. No one cares that I did itwiththem at first. Iwasjealous and bitter and I let it take over. I wasn’t a good person. Then I came here with that same mentality and now everyone knows what a bitch I am. It doesn’t matter that I don’t want to be that person anymore. I deserve to be hated.”
“That’s absolutely skunk sprayed horse shit. You don’t deserve to be hated. You deserve the chance to exist without those boys fucking with your head. From what you’ve told me, you’ve been orbiting them since you were a little kid. Your world revolved around them. Of course you made decisions that you might not have if you weren’t being strung along by them.”
I shook my head. “It wasn’t their fault. They never promised me anything.”
“Didn’t you tell me that Cole used to kiss you after games when he was drunk?”
I looked away. “He didn’t even know it was me.”
“When are you going to stop throwing yourself at the mercy of the crowd to keep his name from being sullied?” She put her hands on her hips and her red nails flashed like quiet promises. “I refuse to let you take all the blame for a situation that you had help creating. Get up. We’re going out to eat our feelings.”
“You’re in your feelings, too?”
“Of course, I am. People are attacking my niece and I’m not allowed to go out and stomp them all like the roaches they are. I hate when I’m not able to take out my anger on the people who caused it. I’m a big fan of slashing tires and using my nails to take my pound of flesh.”
“Have you been to jail before, Aunt Jolene?” Despite how horrible I’d felt she was helping. Eating my feelings really did sound like a great idea, too.
“Not more than once or thrice.” She pulled me up and looked at my outfit of pajamas and bed head. “Go put on real clothes and brush your hair. I’m not asking for Dolly, just like…Dolly’s homely assistant.”
I scoffed. “Rude.”
“I was serious about that picture, though, honey. If you don’t get it framed, I will. We can even blur out the faces of those Ford men.”
Swallowing down the embarrassment that was that picture, I just shook my head. “Leave it alone or I’ll give you Dolly’s greasy-haired stalker instead of Dolly’s homely assistant. Mouth breathing and all.”
“We’ll see.”
11
***Weston***
“This is bullshit.” I glared at Sam, pissed that he’d wormed his way into our emergency meeting with Coach James and the college’s PR team. “Why the fuck are you here?”
His face went red under his artificially tan skin. “Why the fuck are you trying to ruin everything I’ve built for you boys? You have an image to uphold. You have the Ford name behind you and you act like such fucking morons right before the start of your senior season? Are you fucking stupid? I don’t give a flying fuck who you stick your dick in. I don’t care if you and the rest of the team bang that little bitch. I care that you were stupid enough to get caught!”
I seethed, furious at him for talking about Cassidy that way and at myself for giving a shit. He’d worn out the effectiveness of calling us stupid or that would’ve pissed me off, too. “Fuck you, Sam.”
