He helps me inside, settles me on the sofa, wraps a blanket around my shoulders. I feel hollow and empty. Like someone has scooped out everything inside me and left only a shell.
"I need to go back," he says, crouching in front of me. "I need to... finish this."
"Now?"
"The longer I wait, the harder it gets." He takes my hands in his. "I'll be back tomorrow. Stay here and don’t answer the door or talk to anyone. Can you do that for me?"
I nod. My voice feels far away. "What are you going to do?"
He's quiet for a moment. Then: "What needs to be done."
He doesn't elaborate. I don't ask.
"I love you," he says. "You know that, right?"
It's the first time he's said it. The actual words.
"I know." I touch his face, this man who killed for me, who's about to drive back to a cabin in the mountains to dispose of a body. For me. "I love you, too."
A combination of gratitude and relief flickers in his eyes.
He kisses me softly. "I'll be back before dark. I promise."
Then he's gone.
I sit on the sofa and stare at the ocean through the windows. The waves crash against the shore, steady and relentless. It’s like nothing has changed.
I don't let myself think about what Phoenix is doing right now. Don't let myself picture him driving back up that mountain road, walking into that cabin, dealing with the body of the man he killed.
I just sit and wait.
I sleep a long time that night and well into the morning. I spend the rest of the afternoon scrolling and watching stupid videos on my phone. Phoenix comes back just as the sun is setting. He looks exhausted. There are dark circles under his eyes, dirt under his fingernails, a haunted look on his face that he tries to hide when he sees me.
"It's done," he says.
I don't ask what "done" means. Don't ask where Marcus is now. Is he buried in the frozen woods, dumped in a ravine, or weighted down in a mountain lake? I don't want to know.
"No one is going to find him," Phoenix continues, his voice flat. "And no one is ever going to know what happened. Do you understand?"
I nod.
"This stays between us. Forever. I promise."
“I promise," I repeat.
He crosses the room and pulls me into his arms, holding me so tight I can barely breathe. He smells like pine and cold air and something else, something I don't want to identify.
"I'd burn the world down for you," he murmurs into my hair. "You know that, right?"
I do know.
That's what terrifies me.
And that's what makes me love him even more.
39
JADE
