He shakes his head and rubs his temples. “What I mean is that this podcast isn’t a real career. You know that, right? You’re supposed to be working on becoming an author yourself, and instead, you dedicate your whole life to playing this influencer crap with your friends. You put them above everything, including your own dreams! Even your friends manage to have real careers. Lexi works at the architecture firm with me, and Capri is studying to be a nurse! All you’ve managed to do is gain followers by talking shit aboutreal,publishedwriters.”
His emphasis onrealmakes me see red. “You can leave now,” I say through gritted teeth. It’s taking everything in me not to throw these flowers at him and chase him out of my life.
He may have been my partner for the last year, but he knows nothing about what I really want in my life.
Josh glares at me and shakes his head. “Then you should spend our anniversary with your favorite author and friends. I can’t keep being second place to everyone else.”
He grabs the door handle and squeezes it tight enough to make the veins in his hands bulge.
“I said you can leave. I’m not going to force you to be with me if you so clearly look down on my life choices,” I feel a warm tear escape and roll down my cheek as I clench my fist around these flowers. I hate that I’m an angry crier.
Josh turns toward me, and the look in his eyes makes me step back. I’ve never seen him this angry before. “I don’t want this to be the end of us. You know I love you. But the only way I stay is if you start to put me—us—before your friends and before your stupid podcast. Can you do that, Teagan? Do you even know how to breathe without them holding your hand through life?” he shouts.
I open my mouth to respond, to tell him I love him, too. To promise him that I’ll start putting him above the girls and my career as soon as he agrees to look at me like someone he’s proud of, but nothing comes out.
Because deep down, even though I know I love him, I can’t put him above my friendships. Those girls saved me in a way I didn’t think I needed. They have my whole heart.
Josh lets out another hideous scoff. “That’s what I thought. I’m not going to compete with your friends anymore. I deserve better than half a girlfriend, Teagan.”
And just like that, the first guy I ever loved walks out of my life, and I’m left with nothing but crushed flowers and a slammed door in my face.
But, he’s right. He does deserve a better girlfriend. I take a deep breath to ground myself. If the tables were turned, I’d be hurt too. I adore my friends, but I love him and want to build a life with him. I’ve prioritizedmy friends and our podcast. Anytime Josh wanted to see me for lunch or dinner, I had to check to make sure I wasn’t scheduled to see the girls first. I don’t think I meant to do it, but somehow I’ve thrown him and his needs aside whenever Lexi or Capri wanted to see me.
I really messed up this time.
My heart races as I rush to the door and throw it open. “Josh! Wait!” I yell into the deserted hallway.
My feet hit the carpeted flooring faster than I’ve ever run as I chase after him, praying that he hasn’t left yet.
I can fix this.
I have to fix this.
Josh may not be the most supportive of my career and friendships, but he’s the love of my life, and I’m not ready to give up on us yet. I can’t lose him because of my ego. I reach the end of the hallway and slam my hand onto the elevator button, pressing it repeatedly until the light above shows it’s on my floor. The doors start to slide open following a loud ding, and I rush through the small gap, almost hitting the metal. The flowers fall from my hand as my body slams into someone. Their arms wrap around me as I catch my balance.
“Teagan?”
I look up, and the whole world falls back into place as my eyes meet Josh’s. His jaw twitches, so I know he’s still upset at me. He has every reason to be, though.
“Josh, you’re still here!” I finally say.
“Forgot my keys in your apartment,” he tells me through gritted teeth.
“I’m so sorry. You were right. About all of it.” Tears slide down my cheeks, and I wipe them away quickly. Josh has never been one for crying, so I don’t need to make this any worse than it already is. “I love you, and I’m not ready to lose you.”
His eyes give away nothing as he continues to stare down at me. The elevator closes behind us, trapping us in this uncertain air.
Finally, after what feels like an entire lifetime, his mouth twists into the smallest of smiles as he reaches up and caresses my cheek softly. “You know I can’t stay mad at you.”
I have to force myself to keep the tears at bay.
“Promise me things will be different from now on?” he asks. “You can’t keep putting me last, Teagan. I love you so much, but I deserve better than being an afterthought in your life.”
I nod my head at him because I know if I try to talk right now, I’ll turn into a sobbing mess and ruin this whole moment.
“Well then.” He reaches down and picks up the few surviving flowers. “Happy anniversary, Teagan. I can’t wait to spend many more together.”
My smile feels bigger than my face as I take them from him and bring them to my nose, inhaling deeply.
