I really am the worst thing to ever happen to her.
Teagan and Capri are the first true friends I’ve ever had. They’ve both been there for me through all the highs and lows of growing into myself as an adult. They still love me when I’m rude, blunt, and judgmental. And here I am, betraying one of them so deeply for my own selfish needs. I hate myself for it, but I can’t seem to find the willpower to stop myself. As soon as Josh flashes me that wicked grin, I’m a goner.
Josh’s lips skate across my body in the most delicate and delicious way.
I could literally die from this.
Him.
His lips on my skin.
The way his fingers dance across my body in the most tantalizing way makes me see fireworks behind my eyelids.
I shouldn’t enjoy this. I shouldn’t let myself continue this secret, dangerous affair. But I can’t get enough of him.
I would drown myself in him if that were humanly possible.
Josh has never called me for a last-minute…well, whatever this is. Calling it a booty call makes it feel cheap, and my feelings for this man are anything but.
He pulled me inside his house before I could even knock, and within moments our clothes were off, and he had me lying bare on his living room floor as he devoured me. My nails dig into the plush taupe rug as he brings me to the edge over and over again. Teasing me—taunting me.
“I want you.” I moan. “Now.” I run my hands through his hair, tugging roughly just the way he likes it, until he finally releases his invisible restraints and unleashes himself fully onto me. Slamming to the hilt over and over again with a ferocity that has me screaming his name.
We finish, drenched in sweat and a tangle of limbs, while we both struggle to catch our breath. Something about this time felt different, but I can’t quite put my finger on why. Maybe it’s because I know he and Teagan are finally over.
My smile couldn’t get any bigger than it is now. I place soft kisses on Josh’s chest as he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight to his body. I should hate myself for this, for enjoying this so much. I know it would destroy Teagan if she ever found out. But when Josh kisses me, I can’t feel anything but overwhelming gratitude that they are over now.
It’s one thing to sleep with your best friend’s ex. It’s another thing to have an affair with the man. I’ve never been brave enough to ask Josh ifsex with me is different from sex with Teagan. For some reason, having that knowledge would make me feel dirtier than I already do.
If Teagan wanted me to know about her sex life, she would share it. Instead, we’ve always been reserved when it comes to the intimate details of each other’s relationships—not that I’ve had an actual real relationship since I met Josh. I make up stories about fake men that I pick up at fake bars while she tells me how happy she is with Josh. Capri shows us both up by having the most wholesome and enviable marriage in the world.
It’s just how the three of us roll.
“What are we doing?” Josh says in a hushed whisper, almost as if he’s still scared to be caught with me.
I look up at him and take in how marvelous this man is. His eyes are closed, making him look like a statue sculpted by the hands of Michelangelo. He has a strong brow and nose, along with cheekbones that look like they were made for the runway. The stubble on his face is new; usually, he keeps a clean shave, but it looks incredibly sexy on his sun-kissed skin.
I reach up and run my fingers through his hair; he hums with approval. His hair is a little damp after our escapades, which makes it curl slightly on the ends. I love this look on him. Messy, gorgeous, and so damn intoxicating.
Josh opens his eyes as I shift to kiss his lips, and the look he gives me stops me cold.
Why does he look—unsettled? Upset? Regretful?
I instantly sit up and cover myself with the burgundy throw blanket perched on the arm of his leather couch next to us.
“What’s wrong?” I hate the sound of my voice right now. It sounds pitiful and nervous—a far cry from my usual confident self.
He sits up and scoffs loudly. I don’t miss that he can’t seem to meet my eyes.
“I’m in love with Teagan,” Josh admits after a beat of silence. “Even after she hurt me again by choosing you and Capri, I can’t help but still love her. To want her back.” Her name coming out of his mouth makes me flinch. “How can I win her back when I’m still sleeping with her best friend? What kind of people are we, Lex?”
I open my mouth to defend our actions, but when his eyes finally meet mine, all I can see is the pain and regret glaring back at me.
“I—this,” I stutter. “I thought we both wanted this. I know I did. I do. I’ve wanted you since the moment I laid eyes on you, Josh. You know that. It’s not my fault that she got in the way. You two are finished now. She made it clear tonight that she wants to look for someone else while we’re in Scotland. She doesn’t deserve you.” I scramble to get closer to him and place my palm softly against his cheek, wishing I could grab hold of his heart through his chest instead and claim it as mine. “I know what we’ve done isn’t ideal. I wish we had found a better way. I do. But, Josh, I love you. I don’t regret us for a second.”
Josh remains still, his breathing strong and steady, entirely unlike mine, which pounds with a ferocity that makes me feel empowered. I love this man, and I’ve finally admitted it.
I slide my hand through his messy hair. “We obviously can’t rush into a relationship right away. I couldn’t do that to Teagan. But I’m hoping that after a few months, maybe longer, I don’t know, we could finally be together in the open. We could talk to her, tell her that it just happened, explain that we love each other, and beg for her blessing. It’ll be awkward and painful at first, but I know after some time she’ll be okay with us.”
