I take a deep, anxious breath and ring the doorbell. Josh answers it with an excited smile, but I don’t miss how quickly it falls from his face once he realizes it’s me. Was he expecting company?
“Teagan,” he says, strained as he opens the door wider for me to enter. “What are you doing here?”
I step into his house and set my purse on the entry table before heading toward his leather sofa and sitting in my go-to spot. My nerves are on fire with anxiety by the time Josh sits next to me and puts one hand on my thigh, squeezing it reassuringly like he always does. I keep my handsclasped on my lap. “We need to postpone our cruise,” I blurt out. My voice is shaking right along with my hands.
Josh releases a long sigh. I tense up, waiting for the screaming to start. Instead, he asks, “And why exactly do we need to do that?”
I finally risk meeting his eyes and nearly wince when I see the anger building behind his baby blues. “I have to go to Scotland,” I tell him. “Well, I mean, you can come too. No wait—this is coming out all wrong. I meant to say I want you to come with me to Scotland.”
He brushes a hand down his face, and the hand resting on my thigh squeezes again, but it’s more painful this time. I squirm and try to move my leg from under his grasp, but he refuses to move.
I swallow hard. “The girls and I have been invited to meet A. M. Pierce for an all-expenses-paid trip to Scotland. It’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I can’t miss it,” I explain calmly. “It’s the same week as the cruise. I was hoping we could reschedule, and that you’d come with me as my plus one.”
Josh shakes his head in fury. “So you just thought you’d go ahead and choose your friends over me again, and that I’d be okay with it? Teagan, you forgot our damn anniversary! And I found it in my heart to forgive you and plan an expensive cruise. In case you forgot–again–, this isalsoan all-expenses-paid trip for you because you don’t have to contribute a dime!” he shouts.
I blink and wipe away the hot tears that have started trailing down my face. I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Josh. I know it’s horrible timing, trust me, I wish this didn’t have to be during the same week as our cruise, but I won’t pass up this opportunity!” I shout back. “I’m not choosing my friends this time, I’m choosingme. You expect me to choose you over everyone, including myself!”
I’m not letting him bully me into giving in to himagain. Not this time. This is too important for my career. All I want is to be a writerwho is taken seriously. What better way to ensure I get off to the best start than getting advice from my favorite author?
I’m unsure where our relationship is going if he won’t come with me to Scotland. I’ve let him down too many times, I know that. But he’s also asking me to make a choice that I don’t know how to make.
A choice I don’t ever want to make.
Him. My friendships. And most importantly, myself.
I can’t live with these ultimatums just to keep a man.
We stare at each other. His eyes are cold as his grip tightens on my thigh. I know we are at another stalemate. Neither of us is willing to compromise. We are in the same place we were last night.
Josh finally releases my leg, gets to his feet, and heads back towards the front door, beckoning me to follow him. The knots in my stomach come back in full force as I do as I’m told.
He stops in the entryway and surprises me when he tugs me into his arms, hugging me tightly. “I don’t want to lose you, Teagan.”
I hold him back and bury my face into his chest. “I don’t want to lose you either.”
“Look at me,” he says softly. I look up, and he bends down and places a tender kiss against my forehead. Just for a moment, I think everything is going to be okay. That we can make this work. I love him, and he loves me. Isn’t love about making sacrifices for the other person? After this trip, I promise to put him first, even before my own needs. We can make this work.
“Then you need to tell them you can’t go.” His jaw tenses as my eyes widen in shock. “I’m not going to Scotland to watch you prance and parade around with your stupid friends, Teagan. I’m sorry, but I can’t keep having this argument with you. So you need to choose, right now. Me, or them.”
I pull myself out of his arms as another warm tear streaks down my face. I no longer care that he hates it when I cry. “If this is your ultimatum, then I choose me,” I tell him, my voice rising with resolve.
Josh closes his eyes like he’s in pain before turning and opening the door. “Wrong answer. I won’t keep handing my heart to you for you to use and abuse. I deserve someone who will always put me first. You have proven over and over again that you are too selfish to do that. So I’m done, Teagan. For good this time.”
I step through his door and leave without another word.
“There goes an entire year of my life,” I mumble into the glass of tequila before tipping it into my mouth and swallowing the contents in one gulp. Lexi rubs my back and hands me another lime to suck on.
After I left Josh’s house, I sent an SOS text to the girls asking them to take me to the seediest bar in town and get me drunk off my ass. Capri said she was working at the hospital, so she couldn’t make it. Lexi, though, always comes through for me. She’s been my person since the day I ruined her favorite shoes.
Lexi and I met during our first year at the University of North Carolina in Wilmington after I saw a flyer for a book club posted on the communal dorm bulletin board. I found the book club’s Facebook group and saw that they had already read many of the books on my shelves. I was thrilled to discover a group of readers who shared my taste.
Thriller books are typically consumed by a unique group of individuals. We tend to appreciate the macabre and the emotional trauma that come with a well-written, disturbing story.
I remember walking into the small coffee shop, full of nerves, with a tote bag filled with books I loved and wanted to share my thoughts on. Imagine my shock when I was directed to the reserved room at the back of the joint and saw it was full of men.Not that there’s anything wrong with a book club full of men, but showing up as the only female? I immediately felt out of place and extremely uncomfortable, especially when many of them grazed my body up and down with something other than mutual interest in books in their glazed-over eyes.
I ran out as fast as I could, and ran straight into a gorgeous, tall blonde, knocking her iced coffee all over us. Her white blouse was ruined, along with my tote bag full of my favorite books.
I apologized profusely, turning as red as a cherry tomato while shelaughed. She told me her name was Lexi and asked me what books were dripping coffee onto her no longer white Toms. We sat outside the coffee shop and chatted about books for over two hours while meticulously dabbing each page of my annotated books with napkins.
