We grab two cups from the hospital café, steam rising from lids already too hot to sip. We claim a corner table, both of us sitting heavily, exhausted from the rush of the season.
Nate wastes no time. “So. Word on the street is Russell offered you the new ortho program.” His brows lift, half-grin tugging at his face. “Chief of the whole damn thing. Is it true?”
Fuck. This has been weighing on me enough. I don't want to sit here and hash it out with him. Not now, not today.
I blow on my coffee, watching the ripples settle. “Yeah. It’s true.”
Nate lets out a low whistle. “Jesus. That’s huge. You’d be running the most advanced ortho wing in the region. I bet we will become a hub for that in the Southeast. Robotics, cutting-edge trauma, research money pouring in. Beamer, congrats, man.”
My jaw tightens. I know. It’s everything I’ve chased for years. And it’s right here, no move, no leaving Sanders behind. The dream, neatly packaged.
“You’re not jumping out of your chair with excitement,” Nate observes, narrowing his eyes. “Why? You’ve been gunning for something like this since fellowship.”
I shift in my seat, staring at the sheen of fluorescent light on the tile floor. “Because it won’t just be a title. It’s late nights, committees, politics, endless hours. And I…” My voice falters before I force it out. “I'm not sure I want that kind of commitment.”
Nate leans back, studying me. “You’re saying no?”
I shake my head, pressing my palms to the paper cup. “I’m saying I don’t know. I want it. God, I want it. But I also know what it would cost. I'm still mulling it over, that's all. And I'm exhausted. I haven't even had time to really think about it, to be honest.”
The silence stretches. Somewhere down the hall, monitors beep and wheels squeak against linoleum.
Nate takes a long sip of his coffee. "Hey, at least it doesn't mean you'd have to move. I know Sanders would factor in there. So, you're golden."
Yeah, golden.
I don’t answer, just nod, the truth sitting heavy in my chest. I know exactly what I want more. The problem is figuring out how to keep it without destroying everything else I’ve worked for.
"Earth to Woody? You hearing any of this?" Nate waves a hand in front of my face. "Have you seen the robot they are bringing in? That shit is epic."
"I hear you." My voice sounds distant, even to myself. "I did see it. That will be fun to work with, huh?"
Nate's brow furrows. "I can tell your mind is still in the OR. I thought you said it was an easy one."
"Yeah, just ready to be done today."
"Same. Alright, dude. I'm going to take off." Nate leans forward as he prepares to stand. "If I don't talk to you before, I hope you have a wonderful Christmas with your boy. Give him a fist bump for me. You guys did an amazing thing with your #SaveChristmas Challenge. I know you're so proud of him."
My mind is still stuck on my impossible choice. I try to put it out of my mind and keep things light. Nate has no idea all of the shit rolling around in my head. No need to bring him down.
"I am, indeed. Merry Christmas to Beth and the kids. Let's try to shoot some hoops over the break."
Nate stands and shakes my hand and then goes in for a hug. "That's a plan. Don't forget about us little guys when you're running this place."
I force a smile. “Never.”
But the weight of the decision presses harder with everypassing second.
The lightson Lane's tree pulse with a gentle rhythm, casting shadows that dance across the walls. It's been years since I've been here on Christmas Eve. Years of missing this exact moment.
"Dad, hold still!" Sanders slaps another bow onto my back, his small fingers pressing firmly to make it stick. "You're a present now."
I groan dramatically, hunching my shoulders. "How many more of those things are you planning to stick on me, Squirt?"
"All of them," he announces with complete seriousness.
Lane snorts from her position on the floor, surrounded by scraps of wrapping paper and tangled ribbons. Her hair is pulled back, and she's wearing that old flannel pajama set with the reindeer that I remember from all those years ago. She's had them since before Sanders was born.
She looks exactly like the woman I fell in love with, except happier, somehow. More settled in her skin.
