"But before he turned the job down, he wanted something more from me." My voice breaks. "He said if he turned down that job, he wanted us to stop hiding. He wanted us to tell the kids and everyone else."
My hands are shaking so badly now that I have to press them flat against my thighs to still them. My wings droop behind me, the tips dragging across the mattress. "And then he told me…"
I have to stop. Have to swallow against the lump in my throat that feels like it's choking me.
Mom waits, patient and unwavering.
"He told me he loves me," I finally whisper. "He said he's in love with me. Completely. And he needed to know if I felt the same way."
The room goes completely silent. Even the sounds from outside seem to fade away.
"And what did you say?" Mom asks quietly.
My face crumples. I bury my face in my hands, my shoulders shaking with sobs. "I didn't say anything. I just… I walked out. I left him standing there and I walked away."
The tears come hard and fast now, ugly crying that makes my chest heave and my nose run. I feel Matthew climb onto the bed beside me, his small arms wrapping around my waist. Then Zoe is there too, pressing against my other side.
Mom finally moves, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling all three of us into her arms. Her wings wrap around us like a shield. She strokes my wet hair with one hand, her touch gentle but firm as I cry. And cry some more. "Oh, baby girl."
We stay like that for several minutes, me crying into Mom's shoulder while my children hold me tight. I haven't cried in so long, it's like all the hurt I've held inside during my marriage to Mitchell is spilling out. All that heartbreak and loneliness.
All those nights I went to bed alone, all those days I pretended I didn't know he was cheating to protect my children and give them an unbroken family.
All that pain spills out of me in a fresh flow of tears. When my sobs finally subside into hiccupping breaths, Mom pulls back just enough to look me in the eye. Her turquoise gaze is steady and knowing.
"Listen to me very carefully, Rika. It's not too late."
I shake my head, wiping at my face with the back of my hand. "You didn't see his face, Mom. I broke his heart. He told me if I walked out that door, it was over. And I walked out anyway."
"If Noah loved you yesterday," Mom says firmly, "he still loves you this morning. Love doesn't just evaporate overnight, sweetheart. It doesn't work that way."
I want to believe her, but fear claws at my throat. "What if I already ruined it? What if he won't forgive me?"
Mom cups my face in both hands, forcing me to maintain eye contact.
"Then you fight for it, dammit. You go there and you tell him the truth. You tell him you're scared and you're broken and you've been hurt before. And then you tell him you love him back."
My breath catches. "What if—"
"No more what-ifs." Mom interrupts. "You've spent your entire life playing it safe, Rika. You married Mitchell because you were seventeen and pregnant. You worked yourself to the bone because that felt safer than being home with a man you didn't love and who surely didn't love you either. You've been so terrified of getting hurt by love that you've been hurting yourself instead."
Each word hits like a punch to the gut, because they're true. All of it is true.
Zoe squeezes my hand, her voice quiet but determined.
"You deserve to be happy, Mom. And Noah makes you happy. Anyone can see that."
Matthew nods against my side, his voice muffled by my shirt. "You deserve to be happy, Mom. Plus, Noah bakes really good cookies."
Despite everything, I let out a watery laugh, pressing a kiss to the top of Matthew's green hair. The simple, childlike reasoning somehow makes more sense than anything else.
Mom stands up, pulling me to my feet with surprising strength for such a small woman. Looks like years of yoga paid off.
"So here's what's going to happen. You're going to drive to Noah's house and you're going to fight for your happiness. For your family's happiness."
I stare at my mother, then at my children, and I feel it. It's not just a crack this time, it's a full breakdown. The wall I've built around my heart comes crashing down, and in its place is something terrifying and exhilarating all at once.
Hope.
