"I'm not taking it."
Her eyes snap to mine. "Why not?"
The question hits me like a knife to the chest. Does she want me to go? Is that what this is? Is she already making peace with it?
"Because I have a job here," I say slowly, the stabbing wound in my chest spreading pain like I'm actually bleeding. "With you and your family."
"You would make more there than you ever will here," she says, and finally, finally, there's something in her voice. Just the hint of a tremor, but it's enough to make hope surge inside my body like a balloon. "We've only been together for a few weeks. You can't let this pass because of a fling."
Another stab wound hits me square between the ribs.
"This isn't a fling," I say, stepping closer. "I'm not leaving."
The pain spreads from my chest all over my body and suddenly, I can hear my blood coursing through my veins.
"Unless you want me to."
When Rika looks away from me, I feel it. My heart shatters into a million pieces.
Chapter 17
Rika
Myearsareringing,and my entire body feels cold, like I've sunk my hands in a bucket of ice.
And yet my face feels on fire.
I can't believe I've been this stupid. Of course he's looking for an out. What kind of guy wants to be saddled with a single mom and her kids?
A cold fish.That's what Mitchell always called me when we fought. I bet that's what Noah sees, too, when he looks at me.
Noah's words bounce around in my skull as I stare at his phone like it might suddenly rewind itself and unspool a different message. Something harmless. Something that doesn't make my chest feel like it's caving in on itself.
The silence between Noah and me is suffocating.
The sound of my own pulse hammers in my ears like a warning bell I should have heard weeks ago.
I can feel Noah's eyes on me, waiting. I know that what I say next will change everything. I also know I have no choice.
But it hurts so bad, I'm afraid I'll just burst open at the seams and bleed out, right here and now.
The wineglasses he set down moments ago sit untouched between us, condensation already forming on the glass. My hands have gone cold. My wings are rigid against my back, the tips trembling with a tension I can't release.
I can't look at him.
If I look at him, I'll see hope in his face. And hope is the most dangerous thing I can face right now.
So I force myself to speak.
"I can't tell you what to do and not do with your career." I hate the sound of my voice when it comes out cold and even. "Or your life."
Noah shifts beside me. I can feel the heat of his body even though he's not touching me.
"Rika, you telling me what you want is not the same as telling me what to do. Don't you want me to stay?"
"I can't make that decision for you," I continue. "But if you choose to go, I would appreciate it if you finish the school year with the children."
There's a pause, long enough that I risk a glance up.
