My breath catches. The accusation lands like a slap to the face, and for a moment, I can't speak. Because isn't that what Mitchell said? Isn't that exactly what he threw in my face when I found out about the affair? Not just the affair he had with Jasmine, but the one before that. And the one before that. That I'm to blame because I'm always working.
And a part of me believes it. A small, defeated part of me believes it's my fault.
"That's not fair," I manage, my voice shaking.
"It's true though, isn't it?" Zoe's face is flushed, tears streaming down her cheeks now. "You'd rather hire some stranger to watch us than actually be our mom!"
"I am trying to provide for this family!" My voice rises to match hers despite my best efforts to keep my tone in check. "I am trying to keep a roof over our heads and food on the table."
"All of this is your fault. I hate you, you know that?"
The words hang in the air like a bomb.
I freeze.
Matthew makes a small, choked sound from the couch. Zoe's face crumples immediately, regret flooding her features, but she doesn't take it back.
I feel like I've been punched in the chest. My breath comes short and shallow, and for a moment, I can't speak.
When I finally find my voice, it sounds like someone else's, not mine. Someone who's defeated and cold. Someone I don't want to be.
"Go to your room."
"Mom—"
"Now, Zoe."
Zoe's wings drop and brush the floor. She looks like she wants to say something, maybe apologize, maybe double down, but instead, she turns and runs up the stairs. Her bedroom door slams hard enough to rattle the walls.
I stand in the middle of the living room, trembling.
Matthew's small voice breaks the silence.
"Mom?"
I turn to him, and my heart shatters all over again. He's crying. Not loud, dramatic sobs, but quiet, hiccupping tears he's trying to hide behind Mr. Gears.
"Oh, honey." I cross over to the couch and sink down beside him, pulling him into my arms.
Matthew burrows into me, his small body shaking.
"I'm sorry," he whispers.
"You didn't do anything wrong, baby."
"Zoe didn't mean it. She's just so angry."
I close my eyes, stroking his soft green hair. "I know."
"Are you angry, too?"
The question is so earnest, so innocent, that I have to swallow hard against the lump in my throat.
"Sometimes," I admit quietly. "But I'm okay. We're all going to be okay."
Matthew pulls back just enough to look up at me with those wide purple eyes. "Do you promise?"
I cup his face gently, brushing away his tears with my thumbs. "I promise."
