If he’d known that when I think of my childhood, when I think of safety, when I think of what it meant to be loved.
I think of him standing in front of me, blocking the blow, smirking like it was nothing at all.
I huffed out a breath, shaking my head. “I should’ve spent more time with you,” I said. “You were always there for me. Even when I didn’t deserve it.”
Another memory surfaced, just as sharp.
Chapter 35
Flashback
Ethan (Age 19)
I was home from college for the weekend, still living half in my dorm room and half in the version of myself that existed before I left. I hadn’t told anyone I was back yet. I wanted a night to settle into the house, to sleep in my old bed, to pretend nothing had changed.
Matt ruined that plan by pulling into the driveway without warning.
I heard the truck before I saw it, the familiar rattle, the uneven hum of an engine he refused to fix because it still ran “just fine.” I was halfway up the stairs when Mom called out that my brother was here.
By the time I reached the front door, Matt was already leaning against the hood.
“We’re going out,” he said.
“Where?” I asked.
He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”
That was Matt. plans didn’t need details, you just showed up and figured it out as you went.
I hesitated long enough for him to roll his eyes.
“Come on,” he said.
So, I grabbed my jacket and followed him outside.
The car smelled like motor oil and stale gum and the cheap air freshener he kept clipped to the vent. He drove with one hand on the wheel, window down, music too loud. I watched the town pass by, noticing small changes, the closed hardware store, the new stop sign, things I wouldn’t have caught if I’d stayed.
We didn’t talk much. We never needed to.
He turned down a back road without explanation, gravel crunching under the tires, and eventually parked behind the high school bleachers. The field was dark, empty, the metal seats casting long shadows under the floodlights that hadn’t been turned off properly.
Matt reached behind his seat and produced a six-pack.
I stared at it. “You didn’t.”
He grinned. “Relax. I know a guy.”
He twisted one open and handed it to me.
“Don’t tell Mom.”
I took it, already regretting the decision. The first swallow burned and chocking. I gagged, coughing, eyes watering.
Matt lost it.
He leaned forward, laughing so hard he had to brace his hands on his knees. “Oh my God,” he wheezed. “You’re still such a lightweight.”
“Shut up,” I muttered, trying again. It didn’t go much better.
