“Chewy-”
She hops down from the table, almost giving Rhodie a fucking heart attack as she rushes to the kitchen island. She swipes some leftover cheese off of a wooden board and holds it up proudly.
“This is yours, Lovely!”
I blink once, then twice as I try to figure out what the fuck I’m seeing.
“Oh, Chewy, is that, um, is that-”
“It’s a charcoochie board! Every one of these boards are carved into what I think your coochies would look like!” Chewy says excitedly. “This one is yours because I figured you’d have a little bush. A nice tidy one.” Chewy hands over Lovely’s board and looking at it I can appreciate that it does kinda look like my woman.
“Not a word, Johnny!” Lovely squeaks, making me grin. She’s still so proper sometimes and this is going to be fun.
“Blanche, obviously full bush and a little more going on what with all those kids.”
“I’ve only given birth twice, you cow!”
“Nat, yours has designer bush, Mira - I wasn’t sure of your hairstyle because you’re so out there, but I just inherently knew that your little man in a boat was actually a bigger man in a boat.”
Tank snorts as Mira shoots him daggers. “Oh, ah, thank you, Chewy. How, ah, lovely of you.” Mira shares a shocked look with Vi who gets given a completely bald wooden pussy, much to Jules’ amusement.
“Remy, no flaps, don’t know why, Jazz, flaps. Kaia full bush, Ana - fuller bush.” Gus snorts and gets a backhand to the gut. “And my two newbies! Sasha, you get a cockcuterie board. You’ve got a trimmed bush, fully circumcised."
“Thank you, strange little woman.” Sasha and his green face takes his board with a respectful nod.
“And Joy,” Switch steps forward, instinctively at Joy’s back. “I don’t know you well enough to know what you’re rocking so I made what I thought was a generic coochie, but if you bring it back once we get to know each other a little better I’ll make sure to add on.”
“Oh, ah, thank you, Chewy. It’s -” Joy swallows, “- it’s lovely. I will cherish this gift. Thank you.”
At that we men lose it. And I don’t mean chuckles, I mean full blown fucking laughter. Chewy and Joy both look confused, and I pull myself together long enough to let them know it wasn’t anything they did. It’s just, fuck, only Chewy and her band of crazy Ol Ladies can do this type of shit and get away with it.
“It was a great idea.” Chewy shrugs.
“It was half a great idea, baby,” Rhodie says, pressing a kiss to his woman’s head.
“Now I know why the hell you were snorting while we were eating!” Blanche accuses, pointing a finger at Chewy.
“You were eating hot dogs off your pussy, Blanche. That is hilarious.”
The room erupts as the women cackle and the men roar with laughter. Even Lovely, tucked safely under my arm turns her face into my chest, her shoulders shaking with laughter.
“You ready to go home, sweetheart?”
She tips her face back to look up at me and like every other time she does this, she takes my breath away. This is my woman. The one who chose my stubborn ass even when I didn’t deserve her.
“Take me home, Johnny.” I press a kiss to her forehead. “Me and my wooden vagina.”
I throw my head back and laugh. I love this family,myfamily. Even if they are fucking crazy.
Joy
I chuckle with the others, Switch’s large body shaking with laughter at my back. I like it here. It’s safe. Ifeelsafe. I also feel greedy because I want more. I want to belong here. To theDRMC and to Switch. I just don’t know how I can make that happen.
“Come on, honey. What’s say we get outta this mad house?” Switch gently says in my ear, causing goosebumps to break out over my skin.
I turn to look up at him, his auburn beard looking just like a warm fire on a cold night as the light catches it.
“I would like that.”
