“It’s kind of weird how comfortable you are with me around your friends.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” I pick at an invisible piece of dirt on the hem of my shirt as we walk across from the larger tent to a little one that has coolers and a makeshift bar. “I guess I just expected it to be weird. Or for them to think it was strange that you like me now.”
“I’ve always liked you.” He squeezes my waist and my whole body electrifies.
Always.I tell myself not to focus on that word, because people don’t mean it literally. Like, when I tell someone “I’ve always loved tacos,” I don’t mean from birth. I mean from like, the age of nine. Which means I’ve completely written off half of my life without even thinking about it.
“It’s a lot weirder to pretend I haven’t had a crush on you for a million years.” He kisses my temple and smiles. “But anyone who really knows me knows I’ve had a thing for you for forever. If Iwasn’tall over you, they’d wonder what was wrong with me.”
I stare at him, like if I look long enough I’ll be able to see right through his eyes and into his brain.What the hell is going on in there?
“Hm,” is all I can say. I don’t even mean to, it just sort of happens, like my lips have a mind of their own.
“Hm?”
I bump my shoulder into him. “Leave me alone.”
“No can do.” He slings an arm over my shoulder. “You might run.”
I laugh, and lean into him.Not likely.
The later it gets in the day, the less I feel the nervous, self-conscious energy from earlier at the pool. It’s like there’s a direct correlation between how comfortable I am and how relaxed Asher is.
We’re in the middle of a field that stretches out behind Todd’s property. In the distance I can make out the glow of the white tent, obstructed by a thin line of pine trees that separates their manicured backyard from this wilder, sprawling space beyond it. All around us is open space, ringed by trees to every side. The sky is dark, but flames flicker above our heads, casting us in warm light. The fire dances and crackles, and there’s a bouncy song coming out of speakers that are tucked into the tree line somewhere out of view.
There are bodies jumping and swaying behind us as the beat picks up. Drunken bodies. Asher takes my hand and looks down at me with a smile. He has a red cup in his hand, but I’m not sure if he’s actually drinking anything. A smile is permanently plastered on his face but nothing else about him seems loose or in any way out of control. He looks like normal, everyday Asher, but with the wattage turned up. I smile back at him before I realize where he’s slowly tugging me. Into the bodies. I plant my feet and expect him to try to pull me along, but instead he loosens his grip on me and takes a step toward me, our fingers loosely tangling between us. He’s so close to me now, I have nochoice but to look up at him. His face gets serious. “I need to ask you something very important.”
“What?” I squeak out. “Here? Now?”
He smiles. “Here. Now.”
“Are you drunk?”
He shakes his head. “No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.” He squeezes my hand. “I’m supposed to be asking the question.”
I let out a disgruntled grunt. “Ugh. Fine.”
I look at him expectantly, and he presses his lips together, like he’s trying not to laugh at how much I hate this. I teased him that first time about being horrible at talking about things, but it’s me who is really the worst at this.
“Sidney…”
There’s a long beat of silence and I wonder what could be so horrible that he can’t just spit it out. Whatever it is, I wish we didn’t have to talk about it now. Not on this night, out here in the dark. Not afterthisday. All I want is to be under the stars with him. To sit on the bench in front of the fire, our bodies pressed together. I want his arm draped over me, like he wants everyone to know we’re together.Together.A few weeks ago, I could have stood here in silence forever, refusing to let him see me sweat. Refusing to give in. But now, my curiosity and impatience wins out. “Yes, Asher?”
His eyebrows pull together as he dips his head and lowers his lips to my ear. “Will you dance with me?”
A laugh barrels out of him just as I throw my free hand into his chest. “You are the WORST!” I yell, but I’m smiling, relief washing over me. His arm loops around my waist, pulling me close. “How much do you hate me right now?”
“Nine point five,” I say, but I can’t stop smiling.
“Dance with me anyway?” He sets his red cup on the ground,and when he pulls me toward the mass of moving bodies, I don’t struggle. I throw my hands up in the air, and I don’t care how ridiculous I look, because Asher is smiling at me like I’m a present on Christmas morning. And as the fire rages on, so do we. We jump and twist, and when a song gets slower, so do we. As the night fades into early morning we are tangled limbs and warm lips, slow hands and swaying hips. And it’s hard to figure out where I end and he begins, but I don’t want to anyway.
DAY 36
