I open my door. “Come on,” I say, closing the door behind me and making my way to the back of the car. Sidney meets me asthe trunk door is slowly rising above us. And I’m not sure if the look on her face means I’m getting any of those muffins she’s got gripped in her hands, or if I’m out of luck.
Sidney
I’m trying to ignore how much this feels like a date, because that’s just ridiculous. Asher and I don’t do dates. A few weeks ago we didn’t do civil conversation. But the back of the car is covered in a soft plaid blanket—the one Sylvie usually packs for the beach—and there are pillows piled up along the back of the seat. I set my container of muffins on the bumper and stare into the comfy yet intimidating space, reminding myself that the only reason Asher bought my ticket is the baked goods I came with.Youtoldhim to buy it.One hundred percentnota date.
“This is—”Weird. Intimidating. Slightly horrifying.“—nice,” I say, my voice more tentative than I’d intended. I climb up into the trunk and wiggle myself into the passenger-side corner. Best to claim my space first. My toes nervously push the blanket back into place where I pulled it up climbing in. Asher climbs in after me and sits on the opposite side, leaning back onto the pillows with his hands crossed behind his head. His feet hang over the bumper.
There’s a half-foot of space between our outstretched legs, and the trunk is normal size, but it feels claustrophobically small. The smell of Asher’s body wash dances in the air around us, as if it’s taunting me with the fact that I can’t escape it. I would endure torture before I’d admit it to him, but I love the smell of Asher’s body wash. It’s warm and spicy, and it reminds me of summer. Maybe becausehereminds me of summer. It’s a chicken and egg thing, I guess. But right now, it reminds me of being in our bathroom in the morning, and the way the smell seems to permeate the entire room, even if it’s been hours since he showered. The way it seems to soak into my skin asIshower.And the thought of being naked in that room sends a shiver down my spine.You’re in a car, Sidney. Definitelynotin the shower. Fully clothed. Shake it off, Walters.
“I just figured if we’re going to be sitting in the car for the next four hours, we didn’t have to be wedged in the front seats.”Four hours.I forgot the Cherry Bowl showed double features. I haven’t been here since my parents took me our very first summer. Asher pries the lid off of the container of muffins, but leaves it where it was, between our knees. He pops one of the tiny muffins into his mouth and moans. “Plus, there’s less pressure not to get food on my dad’s seats now. He’s weird about that.”
Ah.So this isn’t special, it’s practical. It’s oddly comforting to think that—that this wasn’t some special thing Asher did for me. But that feeling is quickly followed by a strange pang of disappointment that twists in my belly and climbs into my chest. The feeling confuses me, and I tell myself it’s just because of the nice things I’ve done for him. The pancakes multiple times these last few weeks; the runs we’re going on together. That of course I’d want him to do nice things for me, when I’m doing them for him.
But the pancakes are fun to make. And the runs aren’t any kind of punishment. It’s nice not to go alone. Nicer to have someone there to push me, which Asher and his long legs do, every single time. And I really like running off-road. I’d never do it by myself, because even though I have a right to run anywhere I want, all I can think about is someone leaping out of the woods and dragging me to some creepy cabin, where I’m never heard from again. At least with Asher there I have a 50 percent chance of not being the one snatched.
But Asher has done nice things for me, too. He saved me at the party by dragging me to that game. Which is dramatic but also an understatement, because I can’t wait to play again. Every morning, swimming or not, there is a cup of coffee waiting forme. It’s all so strange in comparison to before. So is this all just about outdoing each other? I suppose it’s not hurting anything if it is. I pop a muffin into my mouth and nestle back into the pillows behind me. It looks like Asher stole every spare pillow in the house—bed pillows from his room, two square blue pillows with birds embroidered on them from the porch, a few of the colorful throw pillows off of the living room couches. It’s like sitting on one of those really luxurious hotel beds that has way more pillows than seems reasonable for one bed.
“Thanks. This is definitely better.”
And Asher really did outdo himself with this setup. I’m noticing the candy now. There’s a giant box of gummy bears shoved into a little black compartment to my side, and boxes of Junior Mints and Starburst on his side. I bet he’s a really sweet boyfriend. The thought makes meliterallychoke on my muffin. I try to swallow back the cough, and that just makes it worse. One giant cough escapes me, and then a second, and by the third Asher is reaching over and patting me on the back, like I’m a toddler who hasn’t quite mastered chewing.
Thump. Thump.“You okay?”
I cough one last time, take a long swig of water, and decide I’m going to survive. The choking, at least. Whether I survive this night and my twisted thoughts is still up for debate. I turn to Asher to explain that I’m fine, and he won’t be needing to Heimlich me, when I realize that he’s now right beside me. Our calves are still separated by the muffin container, but our hips are just inches apart, and our shoulders are grazing. There isn’t even room to put my hand down.Hands, meet lap. Your new home for the evening. You’ll like it here. It’s safe, and you can’t get into trouble.
“I’ve actually always wanted to Heimlich someone.” He looks over at me suddenly. “And yeah, I know that sounds horrible. I mean… I don’twantanyone to choke. I’m just sayingifit happens, and I’m the only one who knows the Heimlich…”He shakes his head like he’s getting off track. Like most swimmers, Asher and I both lifeguard at our pools. Apparently his CPR and emergency training really made an impression on him. “But you know, in a restaurant or something. A stranger. Definitely not a friend.” He pops another muffin into his mouth. “Too much responsibility.”
A friend.When the hell didthathappen? But it has—that’s why there are pillows, and my favorite candy, and why he doesn’t want me, of all people, to choke. It’s why I’m sitting in this car with Asher at all.
“Itdoessound horrible.” I decapitate a green gummy bear and let the silence settle around us, because I have a real mean streak. “But also… I totally get what you’re saying.” I still have a muffin sitting in my lap, forgotten during my near-death experience, and I take a bite. Hopefully this isn’t the one that makes Asher’s weird dream come true. “You’d be like a hero sweeping in.”
Asher smacks his leg, and his pinkie grazes my thigh. If he notices, he doesn’t say anything, doesn’t apologize. “Exactly! It’s basically the closest I could ever get to being some sort of superhero.”
“‘Asher Marin…’” I use a deep voice like a movie voice-over. “‘Saving diners from their food… one blocked esophagus at a time.’” I grimace. “The tagline could use some work.”
Asher laughs. “Yeah, that doesn’t sound very sexy. Superheroes are supposed to be sexy.”
“You’d have to make up for it with a killer costume.”
“You just want to see me in spandex,” Asher quips, and it’s my turn to laugh.
“Am I that transparent?” I say mockingly. We’re back in familiar territory, him teasing me.
“Only when it comes to the way you lust over my body.” Asher throws his arm behind me, and even though it isn’t touching me, I know it’s right there on the pillows. “I feel like I should apologize…” He turns to me, and our eyes lock.
“For what?” I say, so soft it’s barely a whisper. The list of things either of us could apologize for is long. Way too long to hash out before the movie starts, maybe even before the summer ends.
“My overwhelming sexual presence.” His mouth quirks up in a half smile, and he winks. Pressed up against me, his shoulders shake with unreleased laughter.
And suddenly, it feels like we’re playing a whole new kind of game. I really wish I knew the rules.
Asher
It’s true that I didn’t want to come to a movie alone. But I would have. I don’t know that many people around here, so if people think I’m a weirdo, well, I’ll survive. And I could have asked Trevor, if all I really needed was a body in the car. But it was Sidney I really wanted to see this movie with. Because she notices everything, and this is one of those mind-screw movies where you have to watch it four times to catch all of the little hints and extras they’re giving you.
“I think she can secretly understand everything,” Sidney says in the middle of a dramatic scene.
“What? No way. She doesn’t speak English.”
