I’m looking out the kitchen window, thinking about our drunken kiss and obvious mutual lack of standards, when my date—a guy whoactuallyseems to like me—pulls into the driveway.
“Mom, I’m going out, I’ll be back in a few hours.” The door is half-open when I shout it behind me. Mom is sitting on our little screened-in porch, at her table covered in glass.
“With Asher?” The question shouldn’t sound like an accusation, but it does, so I practically screechnoas I let the door slam behind me.
And then, as if my mother just chanted his name into a mirror three times in the dark, Asher appears. Standing in the yard, halfway between our houses. He looks from me to the old black car sitting in the driveway, and as I pivot right toward Caleb, he pivots left, and heads toward the lake.
Caleb must catch the look on my face as we step out of his car five minutes later, because he looks apologetic when he meets me at my door. As I stare at the stone-covered restaurant that looks like a hobbit house built into the side of a hill, Caleb stares at me.
“You were so dressed up at the party.” He shoves his hands into his khaki shorts. “I just sort of figured that was your norm.”
He’s not wrong, my first instinct would have been to wear the white skirt from the party. But it’s still in a pile on my floor, light grass stains up one side from last night.That kiss.Instead, I’m wearing a cute blue tank top that hangs loose but is far from dressy. It could be, if I had paired it with a skirt, but I’m not wearing one. I’m wearing cut-off shorts. Because I was determined to show Caleb that I wasn’t some stuck-up tourist who doesn’t know how to relax. I didn’t expect that he’d bring me to theonefancy restaurant in all of Riverton.
“You wanna go somewhere else?” Caleb runs a hand over his short hair, and his face is scrunched up in a way that tells methiswas his plan. He doesn’t want me to say yes. And so I don’t. I shake my head, force a smile, and tell him it’s fine. The only thing calming my nerves at all is the fact that Caleb isn’t muchmore dressed up than I am. He’s wearing a button-up shirt, but it’s short-sleeved, and we’re both wearing sandals. Not the cute, dressy kind; the beach kind. Flip-flops. And as mine smack against the tiled entryway, I tell myself to breathe. That no one is looking at me, or noticing what I’m wearing.
You’ll never see any of these people again.The words remind me of Asher, of what he said to me as we stood outside the doors of that house just last night. Before I can stop myself I’m thinking about the kiss. As Caleb and I are led to our table, tucked away in a dark corner, I can feel Asher’s lips, warm and slow. The weight of his hand laid on top of mine. The scrape of the grass against my bare legs as I twisted myself toward him. I have a menu in my hands by the time I shake myself free from the thoughts.
“This is really nice,” I say, looking across the room at the small wooden tables topped with candles and white china. The long row of windows overlooking the lake in the distance. The light fixtures all glow amber, and everything about this place feels warm.
“It was my mom’s idea.” Caleb grimaces, as if he brought her with us. “I made the reservation myself.”
He smiles and when I laugh he does, too. And it feels like something inside me snaps, because I’m not nervous anymore. The waiter offers us a wine list, and looks nervous that we might actually take it. Caleb asks me if the fritters sound good as an appetizer, and when I nod he orders them. While we wait, he tells me about how his dad brought his mom here on their first date, and it’s both sweet and weird. Sweet that he tells me, weird to think that this could be the start of something. Weirder because he also adds that they’re divorced.
When the appetizer arrives, he awkwardly puts a few pieces on his plate with the little silver tongs they brought us. In my opinion, anything that is stick-shaped and fried is finger food. This isn’t what I had in mind when I thought of a first date withCaleb. I figured we’d be riding the little water bumper boats at the tiny amusement park on the edge of town, or going on a dune-buggy ride. Silver tongs and sea bass were not on my radar.
My sea bassisdelicious, though. And as I pick pieces off with my fork, and Caleb saws at his steak, I realize we haven’t had to talk about anything real yet. We’ve had witty banter, and fun flirting, and quirky produce shopping, but we don’t actually knowanythingabout each other yet. Except that his parents went on a first date in this very restaurant. So technically, I know more about his parents than I do about Caleb.
When my fish is gone I break the silence. “Do you play any sports?”
He shakes his head. “Not since seventh grade. It turns out it takes more than being tall to be any good at basketball.”
I smile and nod. “Yeah, I was the tallest girl in my class in seventh grade, and I was the absolute worst at basketball.”
“You swim, right?” He must catch the surprise on my face because he immediately offers, “Kara mentioned it.”
My heart swells a little at the thought of him asking about me.Good sign.
“Yeah, I’m swimming at Oakwood in the fall.” It still feels weird to say it. Weird that after all of these years of dreaming it, it’s actually happening. I always hoped it would happen, but maybe deep down I prepared myself, just a little, for my dream to end after high school.
“Cool,” he says, sticking another bite of red meat into his mouth. There’s a long stretch of silence and with every second that ticks by I deflate a little more. There’s something really shitty about someone not realizing when something is a big deal to you. That you spent thousands of hours of your life working toward something, and you’re in a small fraction of people that actually made it. It’s not that I need everyone to ooh and ahh about it, but he’s obviously not interested. At all.
“Yeah,” I say, sticking a forkful of rice into my mouth. I kind of want to ask him if he has any beloved pets, and then give a dismissive shrug when he mentions them. I totally wouldn’t do something that mean to anyone but Asher though, and the thought makes my lips quirk up just a little.
“What?” Caleb asks, eyeing me quizzically.
“Hm?”
“You were smiling.”
Was I?I just shake my head because words are hard right now. And maybe going on a date the day after that kiss wasn’t such a good idea. Or maybe, that was thewholeidea. Could Asher have known? Last night is such a blur; did I tell him? I’m stabbing a piece of fish ten times more aggressively than is necessary when Caleb’s voice cuts through the quiet. “What are you going to major in?”
“I don’t know, actually.”
“Really?” The surprise on his face unsettles me.
“Really. Why does that surprise you?”You hardly know me,I silently add.
“Kara just mentioned that you’re… well, she didn’t use these words exactly… but she said you’re super organized. That you like plans.” He makes a slashing motion with his hand like he’s karate chopping the air.
