“No. The agency was very clear on no more than two kids per room, and with only four bedrooms, we’re maxed at eight.”
“Ryder is going to have to go soon. The agency stopped giving us the stipend for him in August.”
“Roger, we’re not kicking him out.”
“Honey, we’re losing $900 a month, plus he’s taking up space.”
“Rog—”
“Space that we could be using for a little kid who the agency will give us money for each month.”
I started sweating bullets as I listened to Roger talk Pam into agreeing that they’d help me find a little apartment in Lancaster. Pam had talked him into letting me stay through the spring semester, and during that time they’d help me find a cheapapartment. However, I felt that plan would completely trap me. I’d have to find new jobs closer to campus, and I hated going to school there.
“Keep working on those math problems. I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I said to Robbie as I stood.
With my heart pounding at what felt like a million miles an hour, I slowly walked into the kitchen. Neither Pam nor Roger looked at me or even noticed I’d walked in. They continued to discuss bills and budgeting.
“Hey,” I said as I leaned nervously against the counter.
“Hi, Ryder,” Pam said without looking up from her notepad and calculator. Roger hadn’t said anything, but he did look up at me. He reached for the can of beer and leaned back in the chair. His facial expression was a cross between being annoyed with me and potentially hating the fact that I stood there. “Did you need something, sweetie?” Pam asked.
I opened my mouth but quickly closed it when Roger groaned and exhaled loudly. As our eyes connected, I felt the resentment he held for me.
“What did you need to come bitch about, Ryder?” Roger’s gaze was glued to mine. He raised an eyebrow at me, daring me to say something that would prove him wrong. “Need some help on your homework or to run through some flash cards for your final exams?” he asked smugly.
My patience had reached its max, and I had a feeling that he was going to get the argument he was searching for.
“What? No!” I yelled. “When have I ever asked you to help me with anything?”
“I think I’ve had to do plenty for you.”
“What?” I could feel my body beginning to shake with anger and frustration.
“I’ve never asked you to help me with anything schoolwork related.Ever.” I emphasized that last part as I stared at him.
“Roger, stop trying to rile him up. He has his finals next week, and he doesn’t need added stress,” Pam said to him. This also annoyed me because it was like she was saying I was delicate and being dramatic. Roger’s laughter only made things worse.
“I just thought maybe he was coming to bitch about his classes being too hard.” Roger stood and went to the fridge to get another can of beer.
“They’re not too hard! They’re not even close to being too hard or any sort of challenge. It’s a joke of a school, and I hate it there!”
I hated the fact that the calm discussion I’d planned on having was rapidly turning into a yelling match. Roger stood inches away from me and held his can close enough that as he opened it, liquid sprayed onto my cheek. I wiped it on my sleeve as we glared at one another. Roger firmly pressed his pointed finger against my chest.
“Well, let me remind you that you weren’t good enough to make it into one of those expensive schools.”
As I shoved his hand away from my chest, my other hand stretched out and knocked the can of beer out of his hand. Roger’s hand came up and slapped me on my cheek several times before I could react quick enough to block his hand and shelter my face.
“Roger, stop!” Pam cried from the table.
Roger and I continued to push and shove at one another. I could hear my heartbeat pounding between my ears as the anger reached the boiling point and tears ran down my face. I was sick to death of this shit. What was worse was that I could tell that Roger was getting exactly the fight he had wanted out of me, and I wasn’t able to control myself enough to stop.
“Maybe if you had helped me along the way I would have made it into one of those schools!” I yelled. Did it make me feel better to say that out loud? No. I knew I did everything I could toget into those schools. All my outburst did was give Roger’s fists fuel.
Over our scuffle, I could hear Pam crying and yelling at both of us to stop fighting. She’d gone into the living room and told Robbie and Zack to go to their rooms before she returned and forced her way between us. Roger slapped Pam a few times to get her to move. I hated seeing that and backed away from them. Pam stepped toward the living room with her arms stretched out on either side to keep us away from one another.
“You’re such an ungrateful shit! How dare you stand in my kitchen and tell me that I’ve done nothing for you!” Roger yelled at me. “We took you in!”
“Because you wanted to, or because you could get money for me?” I was surprised that saying that out loud had hurt as much as it did. It shocked the hell out of me that it stung, so badly that more tears fell from my eyes. I hated myself for letting it show. I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself down.
