“Hi.”
Chase stretched his hand out toward me as he looked me in the eye.His eyes were so blue. Just like mine. I looked down at his hand for a moment and then took hold of it. His hand gripped mine, and I felt like everything came rushing to the surface… yet again. This was my dad. No matter how many times I told myself over the past few days that I wasn’t going to cry, and I wasn’t going to touch him when I met him, all of that had flown out the window.
Overcome with emotions, I took a stiff step forward, and when he opened his arms, I collapsed against him. Chase wrapped his arms around me tightly, and I heard him sniffle a few times.
“I’m so sorry, Brandon. I wanted to be there every step of the way,” Chase cried.
“It’s okay,” I managed to say. I kept going back to James reminding me that Chase was kept from me, just as I had been kept from him. It wasn’t his fault.
When we finally let go of one another, I stepped back to stand beside James. I looked down at James’ hand when he bumped me and took the folded handkerchief that he offered. I dabbed my eyes with it as I sat on the couch beside James, opposite the couch Morgan and Chase sat on.
“See, the many uses of the handkerchief,” James teased. “Brandon likes to tease me about carrying one.”
“A gentleman always carries one,” Morgan said.
At the same time, Chase and I looked at one another and then burst out laughing. I could tell we felt the same about them.
“They’re kind of gross. Who folds up fabric and puts it in their pocket to blow their nose on?” I said while looking at Chase.
“Exactly! I used to call them snot rags,” he said.
“Chase has called them snot rags since we were kids,” Morgan added.
“Yeah, our grandpa used to carry one—”
Grandpa. My great grandpa?
“He’d wear blazers to work and always have a colored one sticking out of his chest pocket,” Morgan jumped in to explain.
I had a great grandpa.
“They weren’t the silk ones you see nowadays as a fashion statement. He had a few blue and gray ones that he’d treat like fashion accessories.”
What did my great grandpa do for work? What was his profession?
“Chase used to grab them out of his pocket when he’d see them.”
Was my great grandpa still alive? How old would he be? Did I have a great grandma? Did I have a grandpa and grandma?
My head was swirling.
“I’d say that I needed to talk to someone about my snot rag,” Chase said. He and Morgan laughed, and James and Andrew joined in while I smiled.
“Is… is he still alive?” I asked.
Chase and Morgan looked at me, and their smiles fell a bit. They looked at one another and then back at me. I felt like I’d overstepped. I quickly looked at James and then down at my jeans.Apologize for being intrusive. You just fucking met them! It’s their family, not yours!I felt James’ hand slide across my back and pat my side. It was his way of encouraging me to relax.
“Um, sorry. I didn’t mean to ask. I was just curious about my family.”Their family. You’re not a part of it!“Your family, I meant.” I could feel the heat of embarrassment on my face.
“It’s okay, Brandon. I want you to ask anything you’re interested in knowing or are curious about. Like you, I have a million questions too. We’ll get there,” Chase said.
I looked at Morgan when he cleared his throat.
“I think it caught Chase and me off guard when you asked because it’s so new for us too. And we realize you don’t know about your own family,” Morgan said as Chase pulled out his cell phone.
“Your great grandparents would have loved to meet you,” Chase said as he swiped upward to scroll on his phone. “Your great grandpa was a psychologist. He worked into his seventies. Both of your great grandparents have passed away.”
I froze.Psychologist. James’ thumb stroked my side to keep me here and focused on the present instead of going back to my past and thinking that everyone in the psychology field was to be avoided.
