“Okay, no problem,” she said. I was able to look away before she saw my eyes.
With a full cup of ice water, I turned and headed down the long hallway past the employee break room and Andrew’s office. I shoved the back door open and sat on a wooden pallet that the people who took smoking breaks usually sat on. There was a rock close to my foot, and I picked it up. Without standing, I threw the rock as hard as I could at the cinderblock wall that was about ten feet away from me.
I replayed everything Salem had said to me. Was I overreacting? I kept thinking about it while I tried to calm down. Was I stupid and a sicko for even thinking about doing the photos? I modeled before and liked it. My head whipped around in the direction of the back door when I heard it open.
Andrew walked out carrying a cup of coffee and a double chocolate muffin. He sat on the pallet beside me and took a sip of his coffee. After he set the cup of coffee down beside my water, he pulled off a piece of the muffin and popped it into his mouth. He held the muffin out toward me. I pulled a small piece off and ate it.
“You okay, Bran?” he asked.
“Yeah.”
“Val said you looked upset.”
Fuck. Of course she did. I took a slow, deep breath.
“What’s up?”
I sighed.
“I was telling Salem about the cool pictures at the club yesterday. She kept calling it porn and couldn’t understand why I liked them.”
“To each their own, Bran.”
“Yeah, I know, but she was being a bitch to me about it. I told her that you were having the photographer come to the club, and I mentioned that I was considering talking to James about doing a shoot. She just was a bitch to me.”
“Yeah? You’re interested in a shoot?”
“I was.”
“What changed your mind?”
“Salem. She couldn’t believe that after everything I’ve experienced that I’d want to step in front of a camera of my own free will. Then she even threw in the whole thing about maybe I liked being held captive and tortured by Sebastian since I was a masochist.”
“Damn, Brandon, I’m sorry she said the things she did to you. Hey, look at me, Bran.” I stopped staring at a scuff mark on my blue sneakers and looked at Andrew. “Being a masochist doesn’t mean you liked anything while Sebastian had you. What she said had to have stung, but try to remember that Salem is still healing, just like you are. Wanting to do an erotic photo shoot has nothing to do with your time with Sebastian.”
“What do you think James will say? I mean, if I were to ask him?”
“I think he’ll talk with you about it and make sure you really want to do it. He’ll probably ask if you have any ideas about what kind of pictures you’d like to take.”
“Since yesterday, I’ve been thinking nonstop about doing it. I don’t think I’m a hideous looking guy—”
“You’re a handsome guy. I can totally see how you were a model before.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes. You have killer eyes and an incredible smile. I can absolutely picture you in ads and stuff.”
“I just thought…” I let my voice trail off as I stared at the wall. I remembered back to when I did my first modeling gig for jeans. Mom was there watching the shoot. The photographer said I’d been a natural, just like my mom.
“What? Finish what you started to say.”
“I just thought that maybe I’d like to try modeling again. It would depend on how I liked the photo shoot at the club, but it would be a way for me to slowly start taking my life back. I had everything ripped away from me, but James gives me confidence. He makes me feel good about myself. But after what Salem said, I’m not sure James would think it’s a good idea. Or worse, what if he says the same kind of things Salem said?”
“I’m pretty sure James won’t say what Salem did. And I think James will be so proud of you.”
“Yeah? You really think so?”
“I do.”
