13
Ryan
The hour leading up to the arrival of the guests was the busiest around the house, and it was also when I started to really feel off. My nerves over meeting the rest of Russell’s family kicked into high gear, and my stomach was in knots. I also felt cold and found myself either occasionally walking into the living room to stand in front of the fire for a few minutes or leaning against the side of the fridge because it was warm. Each time, Russell noticed and would start to walk toward me. Despite wanting his touch, I kept moving away from him because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself or prevent him from helping his parents.
Russell and I ended up going upstairs to shower to get ready separately, which sucked because I really felt like I needed a few minutes alone with him. I volunteered to go first because the need to clean was growing urgent. I was borderline desperate by the time I closed the door to the bathroom.
Before my shower, I looked at my ass cheeks in the mirror. The skin was bright red, and spanning across both cheeks were unmistakable red stripes from his belt. My ass was the only part of me that felt warm, and while the water warmed up, I held my hands against my it to warm them.
Aside from the nervous stomach, I instantly started to feel better as the hot water ran down my body. For a few moments, I stood still under the warm water. I needed this. Each time I caught my mind drifting to the numerous times my dad had beat me with the belt, I closed my eyes and reminded myself of Russell.
“Russell,” I whispered out loud.
As soon as I snapped out of it, I went to work cleaning. I was in desperate need to feel clean. All afternoon, I tried to prevent myself from focusing on how much I really felt like I needed to be clean. I scrubbed harder and longer than was necessary, but at this point it was more psychological than anything else, and I recognized that. My fingers and hands were wilted by the time I felt like I was clean, and I moved on.
My butt cheeks were raw and sore when I ran a soapy washcloth over them. I smiled as I thought about the fun we'd had in the barn, but I also thought about all the other times my ass was left this raw from my dad.
“Russell,” I reminded myself again vocally.
The leather strap was Russell’s favorite impact tool. He enjoyed most of the toys and tools he had, but the strap was his favorite. He was always careful whenever he used it on me. It was another way of turning something bad from my past into something good with him. He always took exceptional care with me afterward.
As I dried off, I looked back on our fun in the barn. I didn’t have any regrets, but I wished we would’ve had a little longer to sit together. I told myself that I wasn’t dropping probably a dozen times since I closed the door to the bathroom. Russell had taught me what my signs were of dropping, and I was pretty sure that was what was going on. But I needed to try as hard as I could to pull myself together. All I needed to do was be able to make it through Thanksgiving dinner with Russell’s family.
I debated for a few moments on what to wear for dinner. I had planned on a navy sweater and jeans but was second-guessing if it would be good enough. It should be. Russell said it would be. Wearing my preplanned outfit, I headed downstairs and stepped into the living room where I heard Russell talking with his dad. Stanley left to go get dressed for dinner, leaving me alone with Russell. He put his hands on my biceps and rubbed my arms, almost as if he knew I was cold.
“You look wonderful, Ryan.”
“It’s just a sweater. Pretty plain, actually.” I looked down at my chest and abdomen and held my hand against my stomach. “Do you think this sweater is okay?”
“It’s perfect.”
“What about the jeans? Are they okay? Should I change? I have some itchy pants we packed just in case. I can go put those on if you think they would be better.”
Russell gripped my arms and leaned in to kiss me.
“Stop, my boy. There’s no need to change. I love the sweater you picked out for tonight. It’s one of my favorites of yours.”
“It is?”
“Yes. It hugs your arms and accentuates your chest muscles.”
I smiled and nodded.
“So you like showing off my muscles, huh?” I teased as he let go of me.
“No. I love the sweater because when you wear it, I know you feel comfortable in your own skin.” He kissed my cheek and patted my stomach. “I need to get showered and ready. Try to relax, Ryan. Tonight will be fine.”
I felt unsure of everything right now, especially my stupid sweater.
“Oh, Ryan, would you be able to light the candles on the dining table?” Lily asked as she hurried by.
“Yes, of course.”
I glanced at Russell again.
“I won’t be long.” He kissed me again before he disappeared upstairs.
I went into the dining room and found the lighter on the table. I quickly moved around the table lighting the tall red tapered candlesticks. As soon as they were lit, I grabbed the hem of my sweater and pulled it away from my body. I put my hands beneath it and pushed outward, trying to stretch it so that it wasn’t so clingy.
