“I know. But it would be kind of fun if we were. Did you see that movie where they raced around the world?”
“Around the World in Eighty Days?”
“No, not that one. This one had Mr. Bean in it. Anyhow, they were racing around, and there were all sorts of mishaps along the way. Like, cars broke down and people getting trapped in gas station bathrooms. Lots of tricks and pranks pulled on teams to give another team the advantage.”
Russell continued to stare at me like I was speaking another language.
“No? Never saw it?”
“I haven’t, no.”
“We need to watch it. You’ll laugh,” I promised.
“It sounds delightful. As I was saying, the seven hours doesn’t include stopping for lunch and breaks. And before you suggest not taking breaks or stopping for lunch, I want to remind you that this is going to be a trip for us to enjoy and spend time together. I want us to take our time. So you and I will stop for lunch, and we’ll get out and stretch our legs.”
“Okay, but just so you know, I have a bladder made of steel. I had to fly to Miami one time for a buddy’s wedding. I had a huge Coke in the airport terminal before I boarded the plane. Then we sat on the runway for close to an hour. Then the flight to Chicago, and I had to change planes. The flight to Miami was delayed, but the terminal was so crowded, and there was a line for the men’s room, and I didn’t want to stand in line, so I just let my knee bounce. Then when I landed in Miami, my friend was there to pick me up, so I waited to go to the bathroom until I checked in at my hotel.”
“Couldn’t you have gone to the bathroom on the flight from Vegas to Chicago?”
“Meh, I was lazy and holding it for the Chicago airport, but then it was too crowded, and I was worried I wouldn’t have time.”
“Ryan, why didn’t you use the bathroom when you got on the plane in Chicago?”
“I had a window seat. I couldn’t make people get up and move. That’s dickish.”
“Ryan, it’s not good to hold it like that. We will definitely stop along the way when we need to use the bathroom.”
“What if we’re in the middle of nowhere?”
“Then you can pee along the side of the road.”
“Did you do that a lot in Indiana?”
“Do what?”
“Pee in open fields.”
“Many times.”
“Did you ever pee in the wind? Betcha only made that mistake once. I tried to aim my pee on the dugout fence in high school to knock ants off the fence. But it was windy, and I ended up with pee on my pants.”
Russell leaned over and pressed his lips against mine.
“So, day one, my boy,” he murmured against my lips. I tried to focus.
“Okay, day one. Seven hours, no drive-thru, and I can pee into the wind.”
“Here’s where we’re staying for Wednesday and Thursday night,” Russell said as he clicked a link to a website he had listed. A rustic looking hotel popped up, but the photos of the inside showed that it had modern décor.
“Oh, trendy. So we’re staying here two nights?”
“Yes, we’ll arrive mid- to late afternoon, grab some dinner, and relax. The next day,” Russell paused and brought up day two. A giant arch made of rock came onto the screen. “Day two, we’re going to Arches National Park.”
“Whoa, that looks badass.”
“Indeed. There are hiking trails and supposed to be some incredible views.”
“That looks like a lot of fun. Will it be cold?”
