“Aside from that, I’m a Top. When I want answers, I’ll give you the opportunity to tell me yourself.” She paused to take another sip from her cup. “Or I’ll pull them out of you myself. So yes, direct, bold, and unyielding are traits at the core of who I am.”
This time I laughed. She was so much like James and opposite Elise.
“I will say this, though—I would never ask something of you that would harm you by telling me.”
Harm.
Mmm, fuck. I hoped she wasn’t able to see the energy that her words had pumped through my system. She’d said “harm” instead of “hurt.” In my time at Club Oxygen, I’d heard few people use that word. They had all been Tops, and nearly all of them had some sort of sadistic traits in them. Some heavier and deeper than others, but all of them had it to some degree. Sadists reserved the word “hurt” for special sessions. I had openly admitted that I had a slight masochistic side to me. While I wasn’t as much of a masochist as Brandon was, I did have those needs in me. All of those needs I’d pushed away for Elise. I could feel my pulse had sped up, and I swallowed to try to compose myself.
Could she tell the effect her words had on me?
Did she know only a masochist would feel the deeper effects of her word choice?
Did she know I had masochistic needs coursing through my veins?
Of course she knew. This is what Tops—good ones—do! They get inside your head and lay the groundwork.
Tabitha’s eyes were still on mine while a knowing smile teased her lips. I could feel the firmness in my dick as I leaned forward and rested my forearms on the table.
“Interesting choice of words,” I commented quietly.
“I knew you’d like them and that they would reach you.”
I stared at her for a few long moments. She hadn’t looked away or back pedaled. She was calmly looking at me.
“Spoken like a true attorney,” I said.
“No. Spoken like a true friend.” Tabitha leaned forward and spoke quietly. “I’m not here to cause discord, Andrew. I don’t say things to bait you. I word things a certain way to help relax you and connect with you.”
I nodded. She was right. She wasn’t doing anything underhanded or malicious.She wasn’t Elise.
“And as I told you the other night after dinner, we’d talk about your father when we had more time. As luck would have it, I have the rest of the day, Mr. West.”
Tabitha’s smile put a smile on my face.
“My dad has terrible bouts with depression. He’s battled alcohol addiction on and off.” I looked over at him as he smiled and laughed with some customers. “I was the youngest of triplets.” I tapped the Three Brothers Coffee logo on her coffee cup. “That’s where the name came from. The chain was supposed to go to my brothers and me, but I’m all that’s left. One of my brothers died in a car accident, and my other brother couldn’t deal with the loss. He hung himself in our garage a few days later. Then my mom couldn’t deal with it and overdosed on pills. It all happened within a span of two weeks. It spun my dad into a deep depression. He worried so much about me and watched over me like a hawk, afraid to let me out of his sight.” I took a deep breath and looked in the direction of my dad again. “He’s had a few good years. He’s stayed away from alcohol and hasn’t drifted into depression. I’m all he has left, and if he knew Elise had tried to kill me, I’m afraid he would plummet.”
I finally stopped rambling. Tabitha’s assessing eyes were on me, and they looked watery to me. I had to look away because I couldn’t risk getting upset about all of that here. I didn’t regret telling her, but I’d regretted telling her here because I had to detach now. I prayed she wouldn’t say anything to make me upset or lose my grip on my emotions.
“As you mentioned, you’re all he has left, Andrew. He loves you and cares about you. And yes, time is very precious, but I’m willing to bet that he’d be glad you told him so he could support you during this time. I respect your wishes and your reasons behind them, but try to reconsider. Put yourself in his shoes.”
I nodded and looked over at my dad. Unfortunately, my filter hadn’t stopped me from continuing to ramble.
“Part of me is afraid to tell him.”
I eyed her for a moment to see if she’d caught my drift. No harm in continuing now since I’d started the topic.
“I’m afraid of what he’d think of me if he knew I’d let a woman …” My voice trailed off, and I looked away from her as I tried to decide what word or phrase that I felt most at ease with using to describe this.
“Andrew, you didn’tallowher to do anything.”
“I did, though. I let her cuff me to things.” I looked Tabitha in the eye, silently praying that she’d understand. “If my dad knew she stabbed me and had gone into this fit of rage, he’d wonder why I didn’t try to get away from her. Why would I stand stationary and allow her to stab me? So that would lead to him asking questions and then it would come out that I let a woman bind me and cuff me to things. And you know how people feel about that kind of stuff and how they view people who do that kind of stuff.”
“Has your father ever given you any indication he felt that way?”
“Never. But we don’t talk about that kind of stuff.”
“I understand. I’m not going to push you into that conversation with him. Just make sure you’re avoiding it because you’re concerned about his health, and not out of fear.”
