I swallowed hard, and an ice-cold chill washed over me as I stared out onto the patio. My hand shook on the door handle. I wasn’t able to comprehend the sight before me. Part of the doghouse was in pieces. The roof was torn off, and only one side of the doghouse remained intact.
The chain, which attached to Johnathan’s harness, was pulled tight and taut from one of the doghouse beams. Johnathan lay halfway between the destroyed doghouse and the patio door.
I swallowed hard and slowly went outside. The January air was frigid, and instantly I could see my breath. I crouched down beside my big boy and placed my hand gently on his belly.
“Johnathan,” I murmured. There was no reaction to my touch or voice. “Johnathan,” I called again, pleading and begging for a response. Nothing.
His chest had red lines where the thick leather edges of his harness had dug into his flesh. Blood was on his feet, and there were large bloody scratches on his shins and calves. One of his paws was almost off and looked like he had chewed at the leather glove. His paw gloves were buckled on and almost always required my assistance to get them off. Johnathan’s black hood and mask were askew, covering his eyes, nose, and mouth.
I deduced that sometime during the night, Johnathan may have had difficulty breathing and tried to break free of the chain to get inside for his inhaler. I scrubbed my hand over my face as I replayed the panic and horror he must have been overcome with. He probably tried to get the gloves off so he could try to get out of the harness.
My heart was broken. I truly loved Johnathan, and I really could see myself spending my life with him.
“You were supposed to last longer, big boy,” I whispered.
One Year Later
The road to sobriety had been nothing short of a challenge. After the painful death that Johnathan suffered because of my addiction to alcohol, I urgently needed to make a change. Following several weeks of depression, I entered a program to help me stay away from the liquor. I stuck to the program as if it were a matter of life or death. And really, it kind of was.
I ended up putting a bench on the stone path that weaved through the garden. Mia loved the white flowers. She always wanted a garden full of a variety of white flowers. Snapdragons, lilies, carnations, you name it. I’d given them all to her. I’d left Johnathan’s orange ball in some of the soil where I’d found it. Though I’d kept him from the garden, he too enjoyed it. Mia and Johnathan were my favorite people. Both of them had captured my heart, and they each had a special place. It was only fitting that his favorite ball had a place in the garden too.
Each morning, I brought my cup of coffee out to the garden, and I’d sit with their souls. It helped me with my guilt a little. Last week was my one-year anniversary of being sober. While I’d had several close calls throughout the year, I managed to stay strong and not give in. I had given up playing at The Pound, and I’d surrounded myself in work. I'd picked up software designing again and treated it like a regular job and kept myself occupied.
Loneliness was eating away at me. I tried going out with some friends and even went on some dates. But the women I went out with were so far off the grid of what I knew I wanted, that I felt like I was starting to lose sight of who I was. The alcohol didn’t draw me to human pet play. That kink was simply how I was wired. There was no need for me to give that side of me up. It was, after all, who I was. I was open to the fact that I probably needed to adjust my expectations on what was reasonable and appropriate.
I packed a small bag for the weekend and drove out to The Pound. It had been over a year since I had been there, and I was eager to get back. The owners were still the same, and I was greeted as warmly as I always had been. After I checked in, I had gone to my room to get settled. When I was given my room key, I was also given a flyer that mentioned the weekend events.
“This is new,” I said under my breath as I sat on the couch to read over the flyer.
It looked like they had a social event each evening, which I couldn’t really care less about. But being out of the community for over a year, I thought the social event this evening would be a good idea. It was going on now, so I decided to make my way down to the great room.
There were some familiar faces and some that were brand new. As soon as I saw some human pets, I started to feel like I was back in the right place. I talked to a few of the masters I had recognized and then I ventured outside to the patio. The patio had heat lamps going and people in the heated spas. A few human pets sat outside the spas while their masters soaked in the warm water.
I wandered around for a little while, fully aware that the pound building across the field was calling my name. I knew eventually I would find myself there, but all I could think about was picking Johnathan out.
I flagged down one of the servers and ordered a coffee. I felt like I needed something to sip on while I walked around. As I waited for my drink, a group of five or six men caught my eye … and probably the eye of most of the people who were outside. They looked to be about college age, and they were being loud and obnoxious.
Things change in a year.
They had a male human dog with them and were spanking him and teasing him. They’d found a stick, and one of them hurled it out into the field and told the pup to go get it. I winced as I watched the young man move along on his knees. Though he moved effortlessly, I knew that knees took a beating. Johnathan’s knees had been so bruised.
“Hey! Watch where you’re throwing things, boys,” a brutish man hollered over to the college punks.
“There are people out on the lawn with their pets. If you guys want to play fetch, there’s a section out in the field for that,” another man called out.
The college guys mumbled quietly and then acknowledged the guys in the spa before they moved along. Clearly, they were young and hadn’t thought about the injuries they could cause.
After my coffee cup was empty, I decided it was time for me to check out the pound and see if there was a sturdy pup there for me to play with. My hands were sweaty and clammy by the time I opened the door to the pound.
“Hey! Gabe! How are you?” Zack greeted me as he stood from the chair behind the podium.
“I’m well, thank you.”
“How has everything been? I haven’t seen you for a while,” Zack said as we shook hands.
“Things have been okay. Good, actually. I’ve been sober for over a year now and was really limiting my distractions while working through the program. So it’s been good for me.”
“That’s great, Gabe. So, are you looking for anything in particular tonight?”
