When I got out of my car at Oxygen, I began to second guess going inside. I was mentally exhausted from this evening, but I needed to regain balance and control. I checked in and headed straight to the bar.
“Hey, Garrett. How’s work?” the bartender asked.
Fucking sucks.
“It’s been busy,” I replied.
“Can I get you something to drink, or are you arranging a session tonight?” he asked.
Points to the bartender for being on top of safety.
“I’m not here for a session tonight. I’m only here to watch.”And prove I’m not losing control.
“What’ll it be then?”
“Just a beer.”
“Do you have a label in mind?”
I shook my head.
“Alright. Would you like it in a bottle or a mug?”
I closed my eyes for a moment as I pictured glass beer bottles being broken over B’s and S’s hands.
“Mug.”
The bartender stepped toward the taps and poured my draft. He set the mug on a Club Oxygen coaster, and I immediately reached for the handle and took a long sip.
“You working on a tough case?” he asked.
“Yeah, you could say that. It’s draining,” I offered up.
“Well, try to enjoy yourself tonight, and find something to watch that is visually appealing and relaxing.”
I raised my mug and nodded at him. He left me alone to drink my beer. While I sipped, I beat myself up over selecting A tonight. It was stupid of me to have done that, knowing how high she was.
“Fucking dumbass decision, Losche,” I said under my breath as I continued to berate myself.
Once my mug was empty, I slid off the barstool and headed down the dim hallways of Oxygen. I paused for a moment in front of each room that I passed. For a few seconds, I took in each session, watching and waiting to see if there was something there that spoke to me. I walked down one hallway but found nothing of interest. At least, nothing that would settle the burn I’d felt inside or silence the screams.
And it wasn’t just S’s screams that were ricocheting in my head. Screams from the violence I’d witnessed while guarding the embassy in Baghdad were suddenly filling my head. This happened from time to time, and somehow the consensual screams and power exchanges from The Hidden House and Club Oxygen eased my mind and chased the demons from Iraq away.
I didn’t find something appropriate for my needs until I was halfway down the other hallway. A Top and bottom were enjoying some electro play, and I knew this session just might be what I was in need of seeing tonight. In the shadows of the hallway, I leaned against the wall and intensely watched as the man touched the inside of the woman’s thigh with the violet wand. The shrillness of her scream slid through my system like smooth velvet. It aroused me and calmed me all at the same time. Each time the wand touched her skin, her body swayed and jolted away from her Top before the inertia pulled her back to him.
Her screams and cries were unlike the ones that had been running around in my head tonight. They were screams brought on by a consensual act. And there wasn’t anything sexier than consensual pain.
4
Salem
“No way, Mom!”I yelled and flopped down on the couch.
“Salem, sweetheart—” she began.
“Don’t give me that sweetheart bullshit!”
“Salem, watch your mouth, baby,” Thomas warned me.
