Usually, after we were clean and they returned us to our room, everyone was always in their rawest form. Tempers could easily flare, and anger that was directed at what each of us had been put through ended up spilling over onto one another.
Immediately, I went to my blanket and gingerly sat on it by the time Sebastian’s guys had shut the door and locked us in. As the sound from the door shutting us in echoed around the room, I laid down, facing the stone wall with the chipped beige paint. I felt guilty too. I should have checked on the others, but to be honest, I didn’t give a fuck right now.
Behind me, I could hear the four of them talking, and eventually, Alicia came over to me. She sat on my blanket behind me, and I didn’t even have the decency to roll over and face her. I jerked away from her cold hand when I felt it on my sensitive back.
“God, sorry, Brandon,” she apologized with a bitchy attitude.
“I’m sorry. I just want to be alone right now,” I mumbled.
“Too bad,” she replied.
“Fine. You can sit there, but please don’t touch me,” I relented.
“Okay, I won’t.” She sat there quietly for a few minutes and then moved to sit between me and the wall. “Are you okay?” she asked.
I was far from okay.
“No. Not really,” I answered honestly.
“It’s okay, Brandon.”
“No, it’s not! I don’t want to be here! I am not a fucking slave!” I barked at her.
“Brandon, hate to break it to you, but you are,” Scott teased.
“Fuck off!” I roared.
“Brandon, it’s not so bad here. If you would just accept it, things would be easier for you,” Alicia tried to reason with me.
For the life of me, I couldn’t understand how the four of them were okay and accepted this life. I also couldn’t understand why they were so adamant that I accept it. I never would.
“You’re angry, Brandon. We were all just like you too. You need to accept it,” Alicia said quietly.
“Accept it? This is no way to live! The five of us are barely surviving in here! We sleep on the fucking floor and think we’re so lucky to have a fucking blanket! I’m so fucking hungry! Look,” I shouted and rolled over onto my back. I moved my hands up and down my ribs that looked like the skin was pulled tightly over them. “We’re starving in here!”
“You know what, Brandon? You’re a fucking idiot! We have all that we need. We’re not forced to work a shitty job for minimum wage. We get all the drugs we want and live here for free!” Shannon yelled at me.
“If you’d snort some coke, you wouldn’t be so fucking hungry!” Shannon jabbed.
I slowly closed my eyes. I couldn’t fight anymore. My whole body hurt, and I was close to tears for whatever reason. The repetitive banging of my head on the side of the pool table had been enough to give me a throbbing headache. My damaged fingers were barely recognizable as fingers anymore. The skin was black and blue, and my knuckles were swollen to more than double the size of what they should be.
“Please just leave me alone, Alicia,” I pleaded.
Alicia silently got up to oblige my request. As she walked by, she bent down and pulled the side of my tattered, thin blanket up to cover me. With my eyes still closed, I could feel a lump form in my dry throat, and tears filled the bottom of my eyelids. While the four of them grew more talkative, I pulled the blanket up over my head and let the tears fall.
Why, Eli?
* * *
My heart poundedas I sat back on my chapped heels and stared at a wide piece of lacquered plywood that was sloped toward the ground. One end was elevated on a wooden box, and from where I knelt, it looked like the angled piece of wood was bolted into the box.
When Sebastian entered the room, I looked up at him and grew more nervous. He spoke quietly to a few of his guys before he turned to face me. Sebastian flashed me a brief, fake smile that revealed his crooked teeth, and then he walked toward me.
“Brandon, I like you. I’d never paid so much for someone before you. Dr. E assured me that you would fall in line. However, you still seem unsure of your place.”
Sebastian roughly grabbed my hair and yanked my head back, causing my throat to protrude and stick out more. He crouched down and stroked the length of my throat for a moment before he slapped the side of my face. I glared at him, hoping he knew how much I hated him. Sebastian looked away from me and then down at my thighs. He reached out and ran his fingers along some of my old scars and laughed.
“Do you miss cutting, Brandon?” he asked in a slightly different tone. “Do you?” When Sebastian prompted again, I shook my head. “The others say that you’re not into the coke. They say that you have never tried it in there. Out of curiosity, is there any reason? I can assure you that it’s pure. I care about you guys and want the best for you.”
