Liz has topped both men and women, so I knew the next thing out of her mouth would have been the idea of letting a woman top me. But I wasn’t interested in being topped or submitting anymore. My submission belonged only to Jacob.
What dangled like a carrot in front of me was the idea of me topping and dominating. Jacob often encouraged my curiosity, which made topping easier to digest. I had fantasized about it many times, both while Jacob was alive and after he passed.
While Jacob was alive, I had even acted out on those fantasies. I would get dressed up in a corset, stockings, and boots, and I would reprimand my “pillow sub” for his naughty ways. Jacob loved seeing this. He would help give me ideas and encourage my scene with the pillow sub.
I think he had wanted to see me actually top someone. I could feel a lump forming in my throat as I thought about how Jacob even tried to get me to consider topping some young guy at the club the night before he left for Australia.
Though I had been thinking of the fantasy of topping a young man, I hadn’t voiced it to Liz. I didn’t want her to think that I had let go of Jacob. I would always belong to Jacob. I knew that Liz had probably been thinking about it, but she finally brought it up as we sat in the coffee house.
“You know,” Liz began as she looked up from her coffee. “You could always try switching and find a nice young gentleman or young lady to top.”
The heavy hands of sorrow released their grip temporarily. I had thought about this so much recently, but each time I had opened the closet that held my corsets, I was overwhelmed with sorrow and would shut it.
“Just to try it out. You’ve always fantasized about it.” Liz reached across the table and covered my hand with hers. “Jacob loved to watch you strut around and dominate the hell out of that pillow.”
Both of us burst out laughing as we imagined me dressed up, wielding a strap-on while taking a crop to the pillow. For the first time since Jacob’s death, I cried happy tears at the fond memories of Jacob catching me with the “pillow sub.”
“I don’t know, Liz. I just can’t go back to the club. Jacob and I belonged there ever since we got married. We have known most of the members for a long time.” I looked out the window next to the table we sat at and considered whether or not to admit what was on the tip of my tongue. “I just don’t want our mutual friends to see me in there playing around.”
“Elise, those people are your friends. Many of them are like family to you.”
“I know, and I don’t want them to know.”
“They would understand and support you,” Liz countered.
I shook my head. I didn’t want to go back to the club and worry about what people would think of me. Granted, what I did was my business, but still. After a few moments, Liz brought her cell phone to life and started to search for something.
“Ah, here we go,” she announced when she found what it was that she had been looking for.
Liz turned her phone around for me to see the contact information that she had pulled up. I briefly stared at the vaguely familiar name “James Brooks.” I knew I had heard Liz mention him before.
“James is a good friend and a Top—”
“I don’t need a Top,” I reminded her.
“Just listen, Elise.” Liz paused until I dropped my irritated know-it-all expression. “James has been a Top at Club Oxygen up in L.A. for, oh let’s see, twenty-five years or so. He works with a lot of new members. James would be lovely for you to connect with. He could help you discover what you can do with that desire and yearning to dominate. He’s very experienced, and best of all, he’s not a member of our club. So, you could experiment without having to worry about bumping into anyone.”
I considered what she was saying for a moment. It did sound very enticing.
“Would you like me to contact him and give him a bit of your background?” Liz asked while I finished off my coffee.
I shifted in my seat and felt the inseam of my yoga pants press against my clit. I was surprised to discover how wet I had become just thinking about the prospect of dominating. I took a deep breath and then nodded at Liz. A huge smile spread across her face as she began a text to James.
“You’re going to love this, Elise.”
“We’ll see. I will admit, it’s very exciting to think about.”
“Exciting enough for you to need to go home and practice on that pillow?”
A smile forced its way onto my face as I crossed my arms over my chest. It hadn’t escaped my notice that my nipples were aching. I had already decided that as soon as I got home, I would discipline that pillow sub.
“Probably,” I laughed but nodded my head so she knew that I had intended to do just that.
“Corset?” she asked with a smile.
“Yes, I think my navy one will do.”
“Stockings?”
