“You and your brother are twins? You insinuated that you were both nineteen.”
“I was a triplet. Allen and Adam were my brothers. Allen died in a car accident. The weather had been bad, and he swerved to avoid a jaywalker, and he ended up rolling his car on the wet roads. The three of us had been very close. Our parents raised us that way. A few days after Allen died, Adam took his own life. He couldn’t deal with the loss of Allen. He hung himself in our garage. Less than two days after Adam took his life, my mother overdosed on pills. My dad found her in their bathtub.”
Andrew turned his head briefly and picked up the book. He opened it and showed me the inside cover. In messy blue ink scrawled across the inside cover, it read,Andrew – I can’t lose you too. Love Dad.
“My dad gave me this book. I got him one too. We’d read it and then would try and talk about some things in a chapter. We’d try to do one chapter at a time. By the time we got to the end of the book, we’d start it all over again. We did it for months. Each time it didn’t hurt as much, and our bond grew.”
I felt so sorry for Andrew and the loss he endured in such a short amount of time. I had been wrong to assume that he knew nothing about loss. It was clear that he knew quite a bit, though very different from my loss.
It also hit me how he could have parted with this book. He sent it with Liz to give to me when I was nothing more than a customer. Hearing his heartbreaking story of how his family went from five people to two people in a matter of weeks, tied the pieces together about the tattoos on his shoulder blades and the necklace with the letter A’s that I almost tore off his neck. They were a memorial to his brothers. His words came back to me from his first night here.
“You know how some people wear a cross? This means that much to me.”
I reached out and touched the tattoo on the shoulder blade that I could reach.
“These tattoos are for your brothers,” I assumed out loud.
“Yes. I put them there as a reminder that they always had my back.” He paused and then smiled. “The three of us were best friends.”
“You lost your mother and two brothers at nineteen and within two weeks. I can’t imagine what that would be like,” I admitted.
“This book helped me out a lot. Even years after their deaths, I’d still pick it up and read through sections and reflect on how I feel now opposed to how I felt back then.”
Andrew had such a mature outlook. He was proof that time just might be the healer that everyone says it is.
“Your father was probably worried sick about you. I imagine he watched over you like a hawk.”
Andrew laughed as he nodded and stroked the stubble on his face.
“He was strong and there for me, but inside it about killed him. He not only lost two of his three boys but the love of his life,” Andrew recalled.
I exhaled a heavy sigh and looked over at the fireplace mantle at the flags I was given at Jacob’s funeral.
“Just like you, Mistress Elise,” he said quietly and set his big hand on my forearm.
Tears began to fill my lower eyelids. Bile rose in my throat, and my heart felt as though it was being squeezed. I wasn’t ready to have this kind of conversation with anyone, let alone my plaything. I reminded myself that that’s all Andrew was.
He was not a friend.
He was not a lover.
He was only my plaything.
The only thing that I could do was smile smugly at him.
“I’m sorry you lost your husband, Mistress Elise. What this book showed me is that you can still love them, grieve their loss, but still live your life too,” Andrew offered. Tears threatened to spill from my eyes.
My emotions were boiling over, and I refused to let this plaything see me upset or think he’s touching some part of my heart. He wasn’t. My heart belonged to Jacob, and he had been ripped from my clutches. Andrew meant nothing to me.
“Get up,” I instructed.
“Yes, Mistress,” Andrew said and was quick to obey.
His willingness to obey and follow orders made me angrier. Why was he so loyal to me? Why was he so liberal with giving me his trust?
“It’s okay to be angry, Mistress Elise.”
“Shut up!” I yelled and jumped off the couch.
